Role of a Wife
Over the years, the concept of submission has been carried to ridiculous lengths: women who have allowed their
children to be abused because they were “submitting” to the wishes of their husband; women who wouldn't even go
to the market to purchase groceries or do any work around the house without their husband's permission being granted;
women who would subject their bodies and minds to horrible sexual perversion because it's what their husband wanted
done.
Let's clear the air right now: 1) God does not ask us to put ourselves or our families in dangerous situations
to prove we are submitted; 2) He doesn't ask us to turn off our minds, our common sense, or our ability to accomplish
tasks and organize our homes to prove we are submitted; and 3) God created sex to be mutually enjoyable and fulfilling
to both the husband and the wife. We don't have to subject ourselves to perversion to prove we are submitted.
Let's begin our study by looking at what the biblical definition of submission is.
Word Wealth
Submit, hupotasso, Strong's #5293: Literally “to stand under.” The word suggests subordination,
obedience, submission, subservience, subjection. In 1 Corinthians 14:32 it is used to explain that the divine gift
of prophetic utterance is put under the control and responsibility of the possessor. [Spirit-Filled Life Bible
(Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1991), 1742, “Word Wealth: 14:32 subject.”] Hupotasso is also
used in Ephesians 5:22 as a command from the Lord to wives in how they obey their husbands. However, please note
that the command is not given to the husband to force upon his wife, but rather it is given to the wife to willingly
choose and obey the command of the Lord.
Kingdom Extra
Submitting is taking the divinely ordered place in a relationship. Submission can never be required by one
human being of another; it can only be given on the basis of trust, that is, to believe God's Word and to be willing
to learn to grow in relationships.
Women are never made second to men in general, but the wife is specifically called to accept her husband's leadership.
[Ibid., 1795, notes on Eph. 5:21, 22 and 5:22.]
Look up these other verses on the subject of submission. Write down anything else you learn about how wives
are to submit to their husbands.
1 Cor. 11:8–12
Eph. 5:22–24
Col. 3:18
Heb. 13:17
1 Pet. 3:5, 6
1 Pet. 5:5
Kingdom Extra
The specific instructions that the apostle Paul gives to husbands and wives are a glimpse of the Bridegroom
and Bride—a heavenly model for every marriage on Earth. As a husband, how should I behave toward my wife? Look
to Christ, the divine Bridegroom, in His relationship with the Church: love her, sacrifice for her, listen to her
concerns, take care of her; be as sensitive to her needs and her hurts as you are to those of your own body.
As a wife, how should I behave toward my husband? Look to the chosen bride, the church, in her relationship
with Christ: respect Him, acknowledge His calling as “head” of the family, respond to His leadership, listen to
Him, praise Him, be unified in purpose and will with Him, be a true helper (see Gen. 2:18).
No husband and wife can do this by mere willpower or resolve, but since you (including your marriage) are “His
workmanship” (“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,
not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which
God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them,” Eph. 2:8–10), God will help bring this about. [Ibid., 1795,
“Kingdom Dynamics: Eph. 5:22–33, Christ and the Church Model Husband/Wife Relationships.”]
Of course, being a wife involves much more than simply being submissive. Look up the following verses and write
down other roles and responsibilities of the wife that are listed in scripture.
Ruth 2:7
Prov. 31:11–27 (There is quite a list here, and it can be somewhat intimidating! But just remember that this passage
is listing all of the things this woman did throughout her life. She didn't do all of these things every day!)
1 Cor. 7:3, 4
1 Cor. 7:10
1 Tim. 3:11
1 Tim. 5:4
Titus 2:4, 5
How are you doing in each of the above listed areas? Are there areas you need to improve upon? List those now
to present to the Lord.
Kingdom Extra
The spirit of submission, whereby a woman voluntarily acknowledges her husband's leadership responsibility
under God, is an act of faith. The Bible nowhere “submits” or subordinates women to men, generically. But this
text calls a woman to submit herself to her husband (Eph. 5:22), and the husband is charged to lovingly give himself
to caring for his wife—never exploiting the trust of her submission (v. 7; Eph. 5:25–29). This divinely ordered
arrangement is never shown, nor was it ever given, to reduce the potential, purpose, or fulfillment of the woman.
Only fallen nature or persistent church traditionalism, finding occasion through “proof-texts” separated from their
full biblical context, can make a case for the social exploitation of women or the restriction of women from church
ministry.
First Timothy 2:12 and 1 Corinthians 14:34, 35, which disallow a woman's teaching (in an unwelcomed manner),
usurping authority, or creating a nuisance by public argument, all relate to the woman's relationship with her
husband. (The Greek word for “man” in 1 Timothy 2:12 is aner, which is as readily translated “husband” as
“man.” The context clearly recommends “husband,” as does the evidence of the rest of the New Testament related
to the viability of a woman's public voice in Christian assemblies.
The Bible's word of wisdom to women seems to be summarized 1 Peter 3:1: counsel given to a woman whose husband
is an unbeliever. She is told that her “words” are not her key to success in winning her husband to Christ; but
her Christlike, loving spirit is. Similarly, this wisdom would apply to any woman with the potential for a public
ministry of leadership in the church. Her place will most likely be given when she is not argumentatively insistent
upon it, so much as given to “winning” it by a gracious, loving, servantlike spirit—the same spirit that ought
to be evident in the life of a man who would lead. [Ibid., 1911, “Kingdom Dynamics: 1 Pet. 3:1, A Word of Wisdom
to Wives.”]
The servantlike spirit we studied about in the chapter on the role of a husband applies equally to the role
of a wife. Take a moment to review the “Kingdom Dynamics” on servanthood listed in that chapter before you go on.
Different women of the Scriptures provide us with servant examples, but Ruth is particularly fitting. Basically,
she was a single woman with an elderly roommate, and Ruth was supporting both of them. In the midst of this, the
Lord provided her with a husband. So we see Ruth as a single woman and as a married woman. At all times we see
a woman whose relationship with the Lord was intact and whose attitudes toward all those around her was in order.
We also see a woman who, in spite of hardship, widowhood, and famine, is ready to serve those around her … beginning
with her family.
Kingdom Extra
Ruth is replete with principles of righteous and godly relationships. Ruth is a supreme example of someone
who prioritizes personal relationships. She exemplifies loyalty, servanthood, diligence, and moral righteousness.
Much grief can be avoided when we learn to relate to one another in love and understand what this really implies
about our relationships.
Do not make commitments too hastily. Wait until you understand the full implications of any commitment you make
to another. Practice loyalty, and understand that a loyal person prioritizes his relationship over personal advantage
or comfort. Do not back out of a commitment you make to a friend, even if it means personal sacrifice. Learn servanthood.
Know that God calls us to serve those we love. Believe that God will honor those with a servant's heart. [Ibid.,
394, “Truth-in-Action through Ruth,” #1.]
Faith Alive
Ruth is a very short book of the Bible—only four chapters. Read through it and write down everything that Ruth
did to serve Naomi, Boaz, and others around her.
Do you function with a servant heart toward your family like Ruth did?
What lessons can you learn from Ruth that you can apply directly to your own family?
Ruth, in going to Boaz, was also a very bold person. When and where there were conditions in God's law that made
provision for her and Naomi, she was bold to accept them. In Ruth we see the fine line between submission and moving
in submitted authority.
Kingdom Extra
All rightful authority is derived from God; therefore, to submit to authority honors God. Submission is an
act of faith, establishing God as the ultimate authority over the relationship, be it connected with government,
church, employment, or home. The higher the authority, the greater the accountability to God.
“Submit to and respect all authority. Do not use your freedom in Christ as an excuse for
sin.” [Ibid., 1916, “Truth-in-Action through 1 Peter,” #5.]
Faith Alive
Look up Ephesians 5:33. What is the wife commanded to do?
Every person we know will occasionally do things that disappoint us. Is this a reason to lessen our respect for
them?
Sometimes we remember to be courteous and gracious to those outside of our families, but often it's those closest
to us that we take our frustrations out on. Is this showing respect to our husbands?
How should we be showing respect to them?
Name three ways that you would like to see the Lord help you improve in this area.
Kingdom Extra
God rules His people through delegated authority. All authority is from God (see Rom. 13). To distrust those
He places over us is to distrust Him. God calls His people to a submissive attitude toward His leaders. He cautions
us to be careful how we speak about them.
“Do not grumble against spiritual leadership. You thus grumble against the Lord and rebel.… Listen
to those God sends to speak to and lead us. Do not rebel against their leadership. To disregard godly
leaders is to disregard Him.” [Ibid., 144, “Truth-in-Action through Exodus,” #5.]
From The Spirit-Filled Family: Holy Wisdom to Build Happy Homes by Jack W. Hayford with Rebecca Hayford Bauer. Copyright 1994 by Jack W. Hayford. Published by Thomas
Nelson, Inc.
