Few things do as much for a person as unconditional love!
Unconditional love is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give to another person. Love is the message underlying
the gospel: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son” (John 3:16). When you
truly love another person, you will be motivated not only to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with that person,
but to live the gospel in your relationship with the person. Love compels us to keep God's commandments
so that our relationships with God and other people might become deeper and more fulfilling. Love is the proper
motivation for giving and forgiving. Love received from God and others causes us to blossom and become all that
God has ordained for us to be.
Unconditional love is a “regardless” love—we choose to love regardless of another person's dress, hairstyle,
choice of music … indeed, regardless of any behavior the person might display. We love regardless of the
other person's successes or failures in life. We love regardless of what another person says or does to us. Genuine
unconditional love is love with no “ifs” or other qualifiers. It is love rooted solely in the fact that we choose
to love.
Unconditional love is impossible without first having a sense that you are loved. Whether your parents did or
did not give you that kind of love, it is vitally important that you receive God's unconditional love. As John
tells us, “We love Him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
• In your life, how have you experienced unconditional love?
What the Word Says
God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. (1 John 4:16)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so
are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:17–18)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who
is begotten of Him. (1 John 5:1)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. (1 John 3:18)
What the Word Says to Me
How Do We Show Unconditional Love?
In a previous lesson, we discussed the great importance of love for your family. In this lesson, we will deal
with the practicalities of loving your family unconditionally. Our key question is this, “How might we show
unconditional love to our family members?”
First, unconditional love causes us to want to know others as unique and wonderful creations of God. One
of the foremost ways you can show love to your spouse or your child is to make a diligent effort to understand
your spouse or child. Peter admonished husbands to take this attitude toward their wives: “Dwell with them with
understanding” (1 Peter 3:7).
Every person is a beloved and one-of-a-kind creation by God. Each person has been given specific gifts, talents,
desires, abilities, and callings. When we recognize the uniqueness of those in our family, we should stand in awe
of God's creativity. He has made each person special in wonderful ways.
Unconditional love says, “I am glad God made you the way you are and has placed you into my life.” Our thanksgiving
is to God; our appreciation is to Him.
Certainly we are to discern between good and evil and between right and wrong behaviors. Behaviors are learned,
and they can be relearned. We must guard ourselves against accepting willful behavior as a “given” by God. As much
as we discern willful behavior, however, we are also to discern the wonderful inherent and God-given traits of
a person—those characteristics that truly make the person himself or herself. These are things that cannot be changed
(within limits)—they can only be developed and used.
In showing God's unconditional love to others, we are wise to help them discover their own talents, develop
them, and use them for God's glory. That is the role that parents are privileged to play in the lives of their
children: see your child as God sees your child and help your child fulfill his or her God-ordained destiny.
• How do you feel about being a unique and beloved creation of God?
• In what ways are you being challenged to extend this same recognition to others in your family?
What the Word Says
Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. (Gen. 1:31)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you
a future and a hope. (Jer. 29:11)
What the Word Says to Me
Second, as a part of knowing and loving others, we are called to listen to others intently. One of the
ways we show unconditional love to our spouse and children is to listen to them fully—to listen with interest and
not out of obligation, to listen to them regardless of what it is that they desire to communicate to us, to listen
because we value them as individuals. Certainly God loves us this way. He is always available to us when we pray;
no subject is off-limits with Him. We only have to read the Psalms to see that the psalmist felt very free in pouring
out all of his emotions and opinions to God—nothing was held back! In fact, David referred to God as “You who hear
prayer” (Ps. 65:2).
We show love to our family members when we choose to hear them as God hears them—any time of day or night, regardless
of situation or circumstance, never considering their conversation to be an interruption or an annoyance.
A child or spouse who has a full opportunity for expression without condemnation, and who knows that he is being
heard to the best of the listener's ability to listen, is a person who feels wanted, valued, and in relationship.
The child or spouse who is not heard fully is a person who feels unimportant, unloved, and who questions the validity
of the relationship.
A study done at the University of Michigan showed that working mothers spend only about eleven minutes a day
of “quality time” with their children, and working fathers only about eight minutes a day. Of this time, only about
half of it is spent listening to a child. The time spent on weekend days was only thirty minutes for mothers and
fourteen minutes for fathers. That simply isn't enough listening time if you want to express love to your child!
In listening intently to your family members
• look them in the eye, face-to-face,
• don't interrupt or change the subject,
• ask questions and do your best to answer their questions, and
• seek out their opinions regarding family-related decisions.
Remember always that it is not how we perceive ourselves as listeners that counts; it is how our family
members perceive us as listeners. Spend time with your spouse and children; listen to what they have to say with
the intent of understanding them better.
• How does it feel to talk to someone whom you know is hearing but not truly listening to you—their mind
is on something else?
• In what ways are you feeling challenged to show love to your family members?
What the Word Says
I will extol You, O LORD, for You have lifted me up,
And have not let my foes rejoice over me.
O LORD my God, I cried out to You,
And You healed me. (Ps. 30:1–2)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
The LORD has heard the voice of my weeping.
The LORD has heard my supplication;
The LORD will receive my prayer. (Ps. 6:8–9)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
The hearing ear and the seeing eye,
The LORD
has made both of them. (Prov. 20:12)
What the Word Says to Me
Third, we must not let the “performance” or behavior of a spouse or child influence our love. Unconditional
love is given without regard to whether the goal was reached, the touchdown was scored, the “A” was earned, or
the dinner was perfectly cooked. Conditional love, in comparison, is based upon the philosophy of “I will love
you if you do what I expect or require you to do.”
God's blessings and chastisements are based upon our performance in keeping His commandments, but His love and
forgiveness are never based upon performance! His love is motivated solely by His desire to love. The same must
be true for us. We can reward or chastise our children based upon their performance in keeping certain family rules,
but we must never withhold our love, regardless of behavior.
Consider two of the best things you can do for your child:
1. Challenge your child to do his or her personal best rather than strive to achieve group-related norms or goals.
2. Seek out activities that are at the level of your child's ability so that your child has a good opportunity
to succeed at what he or she attempts.
God never gave His people laws or commandments that were beyond their ability to keep. He always expected
them to keep His laws—they were well within human ability to perform. Furthermore, God always calls us to be our
moral best. He challenges us to excel in righteousness and faithfulness, not necessarily to be a success in the
eyes of others.
• How does it feel when others love you regardless of your mistakes or poor performance?
• In what ways are you feeling challenged to show love to your family members?
The Bible teaches that nothing can separate us from God's love. In Romans 8:35 we read, “Who shall separate
us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril,
or sword?” The answer Paul gives is a resounding no! We must have this same stance regarding our family: that no
outside situation, circumstance, problem, crisis, or need will be allowed to quench the love we have for our family.
No matter the behavior problem that may exist in the life of a family member, you must not let that problem separate
you or divide you in your love. In fact, unconditional love is very likely one of the strongest factors that will
help you and your family members overcome behavioral problems by seeking out godly solutions!
What the Word Says
Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His
commandments which I command you today, that the LORD your God will set you high above all nations of the earth.
And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God.
(Deut. 28:1–2)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” (Jer. 31:3)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
[Jesus said], “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.” (John 15:9)
What the Word Says to Me
Unconditional Love Leads Us to Forgive
It is out of unconditional love that we truly are able to forgive others, regardless of the offense or sin against
us. Even when we are faced with hatred, anger, bitterness, or rejection, we are capable of forgiving if we truly
have unconditional love in our hearts.
Jesus taught very clearly, “Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37b). Furthermore, He taught that it
is only as we forgive others that we are capable of receiving God's full forgiveness for our own sins (Mark
11:25–26).
Unconditional love and a quickness to forgive others go hand in hand. If we withhold forgiveness, we are saying
to others, “My love for you is related to what you do and don't do.” That is conditional love, not unconditional
love. Withholding forgiveness brings about a feeling of shame; shame and love are never compatible!
• How do you feel when another person is quick to forgive you for the wrongs you have done against him?
• In what ways are you feeling challenged to show love to your family?
What the Word Says
[Jesus said], “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who
love them.” (Luke 6:32)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
[Jesus said], “Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in
heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive
your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25–26)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
You ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. (2 Cor.
2:7)
What the Word Says to Me
Unconditional Love Is a Choice of the Will
Ultimately, unconditional love is a choice of your will. It is not a feeling as much as it is an act of choosing
to respond to another person as God responds to that person. It is choosing to see another person through God's
eyes and then relating to that person as God desires for you to relate to him or her. Read again these verses from
the famous “love chapter” of the apostle Paul to the Corinthians, and, as you read, relate this passage of Scripture
to your own family relationships:
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging
cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have
all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods
to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers
long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does
not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears
all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:1–8)
• What new insights do you have into this passage of Scripture and how this passage might relate to the protection
of your family against evil?
• What new insights do you have about the nature of love to counteract evil forces that might attack your
family?
• In what ways are you being challenged today?
From Protecting Your Family by Charles
Stanley. Copyright 1998 by Charles Stanley.
