We all know the old adage, “The best defense is a good offense.” Proverbs 22:6 provides the good offense for
protecting your family: “Train up a child in the way he should go, / And when he is old he will not depart from
it.”
Training involves two essentials:
1. A focus on teaching the “right” things to do
2. Practice in doing the right things
Teaching the Right Things
In the last lesson we focused on several right things to do in your family: submit your life to God and read
and study the Word of God so you might submit to God's commandments and use the Scriptures in resisting the devil.
The greatest thing you can ever do for your child is to share the gospel with him or her. Make God's plan of
salvation very clear to your child—that God sent His Son Jesus to die a sacrificial death on the cross so that
your child might be freed of the penalty of death that is given to sin. When your child believes on Jesus Christ
as Savior and receives God's forgiveness, your child is spiritually reborn into the kingdom of God. At that point,
the Holy Spirit indwells your child to help your child live a life that is pleasing to God and that brings great
blessings, now and into eternity.
A part of every parent's challenge is to prepare a child for full accountability to God. The parent's role is
to guide a child to the point where he has a deep inner sense of personal responsibility for his behavior and choices
and accountability to Almighty God for both his attitudes and actions. Because children are concrete thinkers,
this sense of responsibility and accountability must first be required in the home: a child must know from infancy
that he is accountable to his parents, who are responsible for him under God's authority. Increasingly, a child
is to be held responsible for his own behavior and for being accountable directly to God. By the time a child reaches
adulthood, he should feel completely responsible for his own life and fully accountable to God, who is the supreme
authority over his life. This process is one of spiritual maturation with the parent as chief overseer and teacher.
In teaching your child accountability to God, you also are teaching the “chain of authority” under which we
all live. Every person is subject to someone, and ultimately, we are all subject to God. Submission one to another
is a repeated theme in the New Testament epistles. A child who does not learn to submit to parental authority is
a child who will be rebellious against all authority, and in the end, will be rebellious against God's authority.
Don't let that happen! Insist that your child obey you.
• In what ways were you prepared in your early life to be accountable to God, responsible for your own behavior,
and to trust God as the highest authority over your life?
• In what ways are you feeling challenged today in your parenting role?
What the Word Says
We shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.… So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.
(Rom. 14:10b, 12)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body,
according to what he has done, whether good or bad. (2 Cor. 5:10)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities
that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those
who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want
to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God's minister
to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God's minister,
an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath
but also for conscience' sake. (Rom. 13:1–5)
What the Word Says to Me
The Right Things
In addition to teaching a child how to accept Christ Jesus as Savior, how to mature into accountability for
his life, and how to respect authority, there are a number of other things that are vitally important that you
teach your child in order to protect him from evil. Among those “right” principles are these eight:
1. The sovereignty of God. The central concept of the Bible is that there is only one God, sovereign
and almighty. He is our creator, our provider, our sustainer, our deliverer. He is King of kings and Lord of lords.
What the Word Says
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all
your soul, and with all your strength. (Deut. 6:4–5)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
And God spoke all these words, saying, “I am the Lord your God.… You shall have no other gods before Me.” (Ex.
20:1–3)
What the Word Says to Me
2. Reliability of Scripture. As you teach your child the Bible, do so with the perspective that the Bible
is true and it can be trusted. Don't teach the Bible as a storybook, but rather, as truth on which your child can
base his eternal future and all of life's decisions.
What the Word Says
All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for
instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2
Tim. 3:16–17)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
I have not departed from Your judgments,
For You Yourself have taught me.
How sweet are Your words to my taste,
Sweeter than honey to my mouth!
Through Your precepts I get understanding;
Therefore I hate every false way.
Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path. (Ps. 119:102–105)
What the Word Says to Me
3. How to forgive others. Teach your child the importance of forgiveness and also how to apologize to
others, ask forgiveness of others, and make amends in righting wrongs.
What the Word Says
For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You. (Ps. 86:5)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
[Jesus taught His disciples to pray]:
“Forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.” (Matt. 6:12)
What the Word Says to Me
4. How to trust God in every circumstance. A recent research study found that when teens are under stress,
they turn to music as their first resort for comfort. Mom was number thirty-one on the list and Dad was
number forty-eight. Counselors, teachers, and pastors were all tied at number fifty-four, which was at the bottom
of the list! When tough times come, as they invariably do, your child needs to first trust God and, second, come
to you as a parent for comfort and counsel. The way you teach trust to your child is to be trustworthy.
Keep your child's secrets, follow through on what you say you will do for and with your child, and be present for
your child in experiences that require courage or fortitude (even without your child asking you to be present).
What the Word Says
In that day you shall not be shamed for any of your deeds
In which you transgress against Me;
For then I will take away from your midst
Those who rejoice in your pride,
And you shall no longer be haughty
In My holy mountain.
I will leave in your midst
A meek and humble people,
And they shall trust in the name of the Lord. (Zeph. 3:11–12)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
It is better to trust in the Lord.
Than to put confidence in man.
It is better to trust in the Lord
Than to put confidence in princes. (Ps. 118:8–9)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
We trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those who believe. (1 Tim. 4:10b)
What the Word Says to Me
5. God's law of sowing and reaping. God's Word is very clear: what we sow, we reap; what we give, we
receive. Teach your child to give generously. Reward your child for good behavior; chastise your child for bad
behavior, always with the intent of correcting that behavior and never with the intent of wounding the spirit of
your child. A part of your child's sowing needs to be giving to the church. Even a young child can give a tithe
of his or her allowance. Put your child into a position of receiving the blessings associated with the tithe (Mal.
3:10–11).
What the Word Says
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his
flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. (Gal. 6:7–9)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into
your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you. (Luke 6:38)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
“Bring all the tithes into the storehouse,
That there may be food in My house,
And try Me now in this,”
Says the Lord of hosts,
“If I will not open for you the windows of heaven
And pour out for you such blessing
That there will not be room enough to receive it.
And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes,
So that he will not destroy the fruit of your ground,
Nor shall the vine fail to bear fruit for you in the field.” (Mal. 3:10–11)
What the Word Says to Me
6. How to find identity in Christ Jesus. Teach your child that even as your child grows physically, intellectually,
and emotionally, he is also to grow spiritually. Set the goal of Christ Jesus before your child—that he or she
is to become more and more like Christ. It is in Christ that your child's inherent talents and gifts will find
their full expression, for it is as your child ministers to others in the name of Jesus out of the abilities
and talents he has been given by God that your child will truly experience satisfaction and fulfillment in life.
Help your child discover his talents, develop them fully, and then use them in some form of ministry to
others.
What the Word Says
Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. (Luke 2:52)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping
of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of
the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness
of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine,
by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow
up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every
joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body
for the edifying of itself in love. (Eph. 3:11–16)
What the Word Says to Me
7. How to experience the work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit works within the heart of man to reveal
to us the truth—in other words, to prick our consciences of right and wrong. Teach your child to be sensitive to
the working of the Holy Spirit and to act upon the impulses for good that the Holy Spirit prompts in him. Teach
your child that the character traits of God's own Spirit are what God desires as the character traits of your child
(Gal. 5:22–23).
What the Word Says
[Jesus comforted His disciples in saying]: “But when the Helper comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father,
the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify of Me.… If I depart, I will send Him to you.
And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment.” (John 15:26 and
16:7b–8)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
Against such there is no law.… If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. (Gal. 5:22–23, 25)
What the Word Says to Me
8. The power of faith in Christ Jesus. Teach your child that the most potent force within him is faith
in Christ Jesus. Faith is to be exercised, to be used so that it will grow strong and become great faith.
It is by faith that we are called to live as Christians (Rom. 1:17).
What the Word Says
For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes,
for the Jew first and also for the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as
it is written, “The just shall live by faith.” (Rom. 1:16–17)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
For we walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Cor. 5:7)
What the Word Says to Me
• In your life, recall ways in which you have learned these vital foundational lessons. What has been the
resulting benefit to you?
• In what ways are you being challenged to lay a foundation of right spiritual principles in your family?
The Nature of Training
The eight lessons described above are part of the content that we are to teach within our families. The
method by which we are to teach, however, is training. Training is not the expression or the telling
of principles alone, although it includes the telling of principles. Training is rooted in doing, and especially
in repetitive doing.
You will not teach your child to give and receive, for example, by telling your child to give. Your child will
learn this lesson as he actually gives something that is valuable to him—and not only once, but repeatedly.
You will not teach your child the sovereignty of God by taking your child to church once so that your child
might hear the Word of God preached or participate in praise and worship of God. Your child will learn this lesson
as he or she attends church week in and week out, year in and year out, and especially as your child begins to
take an active part in Bible study, praise, and various acts of worship and ministry.
You will not teach your child the fruit of the Spirit by telling your child what that fruit is, but rather,
by instilling in your child the behaviors that are associated with love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. You will train your child in these character traits by insisting
as an authority over your child that your child display patience, manifest goodness, be faithful in doing what
he says he will do, and in exercising self-control.
Rewards and chastisements are always a part of the training process. When a child errs in behavior, he should
be chastised. When a child succeeds in behavior, he should be rewarded.
As your child grows and matures, lead your child to an understanding of what it means to “self-train,” which
is to set limits for oneself. Allow your child to set standards and parameters for his life. For example, discuss
with your child an appropriate curfew time; let your child be a part of the decision-making process. As you decide
together a good curfew time, also determine in conversation with your child what the rewards and chastisements
might be in relation to keeping curfew.
Give your child ample room to learn to trust God for himself—to pray and believe for things that are important
to him, to trust God for outcomes and consequences, to give a witness of his faith, to see what God will do in
the lives of others, and to engage in a form of ministry that is appropriate for your child's age and talents.
We are to be doers of the Word. The epistle of James makes it very clear that our faith must be an active
faith—that while works do not bring about our salvation, they are vitally important to securing within us a full
identity as God's child.
The child who is untrained in Christian disciplines and principles is a child who grows up thinking that sin
has no penalty and that no authority can or should be exerted over him. Such a child manifests rebellion against
parents and rebellion against God. Sadly, the child who violates spiritual principles discovers that happiness
and joy are highly elusive, since neither inner peace nor joy can coexist with rebellion. The rebellious child
is insecure because the foundation on which he stands is shifting continually. Such a child not only leads a destructive
life, but his own life is destroyed, perhaps for all eternity.
• Recall an instance in your life in which you were TRAINED to do what was right. What was the result?
• How does it feel to develop mastery of a skill through training?
What the Word Says
Faith, by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.”
Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. You believe that there is one
God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without
works is dead? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? Do you
see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? And the Scripture was
fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called
the friend of God. You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only. (James 2:17–24)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established
in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving. (Col. 2:6–7)
What the Word Says to Me
• In what ways are you being challenged to further TRAIN your child in right behaviors?
By the Grace of God
While there is no substitute for doing the “good” things that protect us from the devil and from evil in the
world, we also must acknowledge that there is no “sure formula” for keeping a child or an entire family from all
harm or evil spiritual attack. We each are brought to the position of saying, “It is only by the grace of God.”
What we can say with assurance is that God is in control. He is sovereign—completely and totally omnipotent,
omniscient, omnipresent, loving, and just. Jesus Christ is victor over Satan. In any negative situation or circumstance,
we can have the full confidence of these three truths:
1. God knows what we are going through. He may not have caused the negative situation in which we find
ourselves, but He certainly knows about the situation, and He has allowed it to happen for a good purpose
that we may not see or understand at this time.
2. God is with us in the circumstance we are facing. He never leaves us nor forsakes us (Matt. 28:20). We can
trust Him to deliver us from evil, to lead us into right decisions and right actions, and to help us face and overcome
the troubles that seem to overwhelm us. He will help us deal with any pain, blame, or shame that we experience,
and He will heal us and make us whole as we put our faith in Him.
3. God's purposes will be brought to pass. God's plan will be accomplished. He is both the author
and the finisher of our faith (Heb. 12:2). His methods may elude our understanding, but His purposes are
sure—He will accomplish the full redemption and refinement of His chosen and beloved children.
What the Word Says
[Jesus said], “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matt. 28:20)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb. 12:2)
What the Word Says to Me
• In what ways are you feeling challenged today to lay a firmer foundation for your family?
From Protecting Your Family by Charles
Stanley. Copyright 1998 by Charles Stanley.
