So often we think of stewardship as relating only to the giving of our time, talents, and resources to God and
the church. Stewardship, however, is a much broader concept. It refers to the “caretaking” of anything that God
has given to us. Certainly that is a concept that relates to our families!
Family Is a Gift from God
Two central principles of God related to stewardship have a direct bearing on the family:
1. Our children and families are entrusted to us as a highly valuable gift from God, and we are commanded
to care for those things that God gives us.
2. We must give an account for our stewardship of our families.
God's Gift
Our families are God's gift to us. Every child is a gift from God. How much stronger our commitment to family
would be if we truly saw our families from God's perspective and cared for our families as our most treasured
possession.
Many parents today seem to think of their children more as a burden than a gift. They see their children as
“costing” them their freedom, interfering with their careers, or being a burden to them financially. Sadly, a child
“feels” these attitudes. Even if you have never voiced to your children a feeling that they are a burden to you,
if that is the true feeling of your heart, your children will know how you feel.
Those who consider their children to be a burden are likely to reject their children. Consider the impact the
three statements below have upon a child:
1. “Get out of my way” (perhaps adding, “while I'm working” or “while I'm fixing dinner”).
2. “I don't have time for you right now.”
3. “You can't do this—let me do it.”
Each of these statements sends a message to a child, “Stay away from me because you are a burden to me” or “you
hinder me.” Certainly our heavenly Father never treats us that way when we come to Him. He always has time
for us, wants to be involved with us, and allows us to be a part of His work on this earth—even if we aren't perfect
and don't do things perfectly. God never rejects us. And in like manner, we are never to reject our children or
a spouse. To do so is to fail to see that person as a gift of God to your life.
• Have you ever been rejected by a person who seemed to see you more as a burden than a “gift”? How did you
feel?
Eve, the mother of all living, declared when she gave birth to Cain, “I have acquired a man from the LORD” (Gen.
4:1). Eve clearly perceived that her son was a gift from God—not an accident of nature, not a ill-timed conception,
not a deed of man. This is the proper perspective we each are to have of our children. They are God's creation,
entrusted to us as His gift.
We Are Accountable
Furthermore, God holds us accountable for all that He entrusts to us. This is not only true of the material
and financial blessings we receive, but of the great blessing of family. Read this familiar parable of Jesus with
your family in mind:
For the kingdom of heaven is like a man traveling to a far country, who called his own servants and delivered his
goods to them. And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, to each according to his own
ability; and immediately he went on a journey.… After a long time the lord of those servants came and settled accounts
with them. So he who had received five talents came and brought five other talents, saying, “Lord, you delivered
to me five talents; look, I have gained five more talents besides them.” His lord said to him, “Well done, good
and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the
joy of your lord.” He also who had received two talents came and said, “Lord, you delivered to me two talents;
look, I have gained two more talents besides them.” His lord said to him, “Well done, good and faithful servant;
you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.”
Then he who had received the one talent came and said, “Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have
not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the
ground. Look, there you have what is yours.” But his lord answered and said to him, “You wicked and lazy servant,
you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed.… Therefore take the talent
from him, and give it to him who has ten talents. For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have
abundance.” (Matt. 25:14–15, 19–26, 28–29)
• What new insights do you have into this passage of Scripture?
Now certainly we aren't to “trade” our children or to “bury” them; furthermore, God does not “take” our children
from us and give them to others. But note these strong teachings about our children that we can draw from this
parable:
First, God gives us our children so that we might “develop” them. We are responsible for seeing that
the hidden talents of our children are brought to light and developed. We are also called to build up our children
and to “multiply” within them their self-esteem and confidence.
This does not happen when we say to our children:
• “Can't you ever do anything right?”
• “I don't think you'll ever amount to anything.”
• “Why can't you be more like your brother [or sister]?”
• “You are an embarrassment to me.”
• “We never wanted you in the first place.”
Statements such as those do anything but build up a child! To a great degree, they “bury” a child in a pit
of self-depreciation and low esteem.
Second, God holds us accountable for the way we treat our children. He will ask us when we stand before
Him in heaven, “Where is your child?” God's number-one expectation of us is that we will raise our children to
love and serve Him and to be faithful followers of His Word … all the way into eternity!
Third, God enlarges our personal witness to others on the basis of how we treat our family members. Our
families are to be our number-one mission field. It is to our families that we are to show God's love and to express
our faith in God. As we treat our family members, so God allows our witness and ministry to be effective to others
outside our family. The man or woman who cannot show God's love at home is a person whom God cannot trust fully
to show His love to the world.
• In what ways are you feeling challenged today in your role within the family?
What the Word Says
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward. (Ps. 127:3)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
[Jesus taught], “Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. But whoever causes one of
these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck,
and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matt. 18:5–6)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
[Jesus said], “For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed,
of him they will ask the more.” (Luke 12:48)
What the Word Says to Me
Every child needs to grow up knowing:
• “You are somebody! You have been gifted and blessed by God in unique and wonderful ways.”
• “You count; you are important to God and to me, your parent. God has a special place for you in His
kingdom.”
• “You have a great capacity to bring glory to God.”
• “You are wanted by me and by God. I will do my best to care for you on this earth and to lead you to a lasting
faith in Christ. God has an eternal home for you in heaven, and He is with you always to care for you, protect
you, and to provide for you. He loves you and desires to forgive you to bring you to a full relationship with Him
through Christ Jesus.”
Make these the messages you give to your children today. They are messages strongly rooted in God's love. They
are messages that build a relationship with Christ. A child who grows up having these truths taught on a daily
basis in the home is a child who is not only confident in himself, but a child who is assured of God's greatness
and goodness. Such a child will bless the world.
Your Child Will Do What You Do
Your child will care for himself in the same way that you care for your child. He will “model” your behavior.
This is a vital principle for you to see in your stewardship of your family. We each must not only be “speakers”
of the truth to our children, but “doers” of the truth. What your child sees you do, your child will do.
As you value yourself and your relationship to other family members, so your child will value his relationship
to you and to others. As you value yourself and your relationship with God, so your child will come to value his
relationship with God.
Jesus taught that none of us can be “greater” than those who teach us (John 13:16). Your child, therefore, is
not likely to be a better parent or a better Christian than you are (unless he has a teacher or role model later
in life who is highly influential). You are responsible for teaching your child how to respond to life in a godly
manner. That is what has been entrusted to you. That is what God holds you accountable for doing!
You are entrusted with teaching by example those things that are of greatest value in life: how to love
God and others, how to have faith in God, how to live in daily relationship with the Holy Spirit. You are accountable
for teaching your child these lessons.
Teaching as You Go
What we teach our children must be rooted in daily experience. Deuteronomy 6:6–7 says, “These words which I
command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them
when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” We are to teach
our children as we are in the home and as we go about our daily work and responsibilities, from dawn to
dusk. The lessons we teach our children are to be rooted in daily life. They are to be practical lessons—God's
truth in action.
In the end, stewardship is not something we do primarily with our words. It is something that we do first and
foremost with our deeds.
What the Word Says
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and
not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately
forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not
a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. (James 1:22–25)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
[Jesus said], “I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to
you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know
these things, blessed are you if you do them.” (John 13:15–17)
What the Word Says to Me
The “Role Model” We Give Our Children
As parents we are entrusted with the responsibility for modeling two sets of behaviors to our children:
• We are to be role models of both a marital and a parental role. (Family Relationship Role Model)
• We are to be role models of a “Christian in action.” (Spiritual Role Model)
You are responsible for teaching your child what it means to be a husband or a wife, and also what it means to
be a parent. Nobody can or will teach these lessons as well as you do! Long after your child is grown, a “tape”
of your example will play in your child's mind, saying, “This is how I should respond to my spouse. This is how
I should act as a parent.”
You are also responsible for teaching your child how to be a Christian—not only what it means to believe
in Christ Jesus, but what it means to have a daily walk of obedience to God's Word. God has entrusted you to teach
these lessons well and in full accordance with His Word!
Marital Roles
The Bible states very clearly the basics for being a good spouse and parent. In Ephesians 5:22–33 we read,
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head
of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the
wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and
gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might
present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be
holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife
loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning
Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let
the wife see that she respects her husband.
• What new insights do you have into this passage of Scripture as it relates to the STEWARDSHIP of your family
and the lessons you are entrusted to teach your children?
Note these specifics:
Wives are to love and respect their husbands as they love and respect Christ Jesus. They are to be helpmeets
to their husbands in all aspects of life.
Husbands are to love, provide for, protect, and “serve” their wives, just as Christ loves, provides for,
protects, and serves us—even to the laying down of His life.
Husbands are to be the spiritual decision-makers or “heads” of the family, even as they take their “marching
orders” from God. Wives are to submit to their husbands in this, just as the church submits to God.
In all ways, Christ is to be our model and our behavior toward one another as spouses is to reflect His relationship
to the church.
Through the years, I have counseled a number of young people who were raised in a home where the father was
passive and the mother was domineering—in other words, homes in which the roles described above have been reversed.
What has been the result in the lives of the children? I've seen mental illness, including a great deal of schizophrenia,
eating disorders, self-abusive behaviors and addictions, and depression. I've witnessed in these young people homosexuality
and other forms of perverse sexual behavior, including promiscuity and pornography. I've seen young people who
reenact a pattern of marital discord in their own families.
We cannot improve upon God's “order” for husband and wife relationships. We can, however, obey God's commandments
in this and see healthy, fruitful behavior in our children!
• How do you feel about the roles that God has prescribed for husbands and wives?
• In what ways are you feeling challenged today?
Parental Role Modeling
As a parent, you are to act in such a way that you “do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up
in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
The best way not to provoke a child to wrath (or to angry behavior rooted in bitterness) is to both show
and tell a child how much you love him or her. Don't be hesitant or stingy in telling your child, “I love you.”
Every child needs to hear that message often, no matter how old the child may be. Don't withhold your hugs and
tender kisses. A child needs to know that you value a “closeness” of relationship. (At all times, of course, we
are to be pure and chaste in our touching relationship with a child.)
I have often asked teens who have become involved in immorality, “Tell me about your father.” Not one has ever
said to me, “My dad really loved me.” Fathers especially need to learn how to express love to their children—both
in verbal and nonverbal ways. Your child needs to experience the warmth of your feelings!
A child who truly grows up feeling the unconditional love of a parent is a child who will, in turn, express
that love to others—including to his or her own child someday.
• Did you know the warmth of a parent's affection as a child? In what ways do you feel challenged to express
a warmth of love—both verbally and nonverbally—to your own children?
• In what ways do you feel challenged today?
Modeling the Christian Life
Paul wrote that we are to bring up our children in the “training and admonition” of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). In
other words, we are to teach them Christian disciplines. To train is to teach by doing. Training does not
involve theory alone—it requires practice. To “admonish” your child in the Lord is to require your child
to engage in Christian practice. Even though your child may not have a great depth of meaning for various Christian
disciplines—such as prayer, attending church, reading the Bible, giving—your child does have the capability to
practice these disciplines, and over time, to acquire more and more meaning related to them.
Paul wrote to Timothy, “But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing
from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to
make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus” (2 Tim. 3:14–15).
As parents, we are to teach by our examples what we value to be true about
• money
• the Bible
• prayer
• friends
• self
• the church
• government and those in authority
• personal freedom and liberty
• a walk of faith in the Lord
• God's servants
• others who don't know the Lord
• family members (immediate and extended)
Children, of course, are quick to spot hypocrisy. What we say we believe, we must do. For example, your
child will be quick to observe any difference that may exist between what you say about money and how you handle
money, including the tithe and gifts you give to the church. A child will note immediately if you value church
attendance or involvement with other believers. We each must be consistent in our behavior.
If you want your child to grow up attending church, then attend church faithfully as a family.
If you want your child to have a strong prayer life, then pray often with your child. Let him learn how to pray
by hearing you pray.
If you want your child to learn how to relate in a loving way to those in the church, including those in church
leadership and those outside the church to whom the ministry of the church is extended, let your child accompany
you as you help with various church activities and as you participate in outreach ministries.
If you want your child to grow up knowing the Bible and following its teachings, then you must not only read
the Bible with your child but let your child see that you are studying the Bible and attempting to apply its truth
to your life on a daily basis.
What your child sees you do and what your child is included in doing with you will be what your
child later does as an adult.
Above all, model forgiveness to your child. Be quick to say, “I'm sorry” or to admit, “I was wrong” and to ask
your child, “Please forgive me.” The child who grows up with a strong role model in this area will be a child who
is quick to make amends with others and quick to seek God's forgiveness for his own sin.
What the Word Says
We cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard. (Acts 4:20)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with
you. (Phil. 4:9)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked
upon, and our hands have handled, concerning the Word of life … we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship
with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. (1 John 1:1, 3)
What the Word Says to Me
• What new insights do you have into your role as a “steward” of your family?
• In what ways do you feel challenged today regarding the stewardship of your family before the Lord?
From Protecting Your Family by Charles
Stanley. Copyright 1998 by Charles Stanley.
