Perhaps the foremost challenge that we face as parents today is to keep our families out of spiritual
bondage.
At the root of virtually every form of family dysfunction and disharmony, one finds a form of spiritual bondage.
Name any problem that plagues the family today and if you trace that problem back to its root, you will find that
the problem actually began in the spiritual realm. It had its seed of beginning in the heart of one person's rebellion
against God.
Many forms and sources of bondage plague the family today. The vast majority of them do not involve demonic
possession, but they all involve some form of demonic oppression and deceit.
In this lesson we will deal with three elements that can lead to spiritual “entrapment” by the enemy:
1. The lies of Satan
2. Willful sin
3. A careless lack of guarding our lives against evil
The Lies of Satan Entrap Us
The lies of Satan serve as a trap or a snare. A multitude of lies, when accepted as truth by a person, serve
as tiny threads that encircle the spirit—round and round and round—until the person is trapped, oppressed, restricted,
“bound.”
Most of the lies that Satan speaks to us are not giant “ropes.” If they were, we'd recognize them immediately
and reject them. Rather, the lies of Satan often seem to us to be innocent little “white lies,” small errors against
God's Word, getting off the path of God's way just a degree or two. These lies are like hundreds of tiny threads
that, as a whole, bind us spiritually. And the fact is, if you wrap enough sewing thread around a person, you can
entrap a person just as securely as if you wrapped a few heavy ropes around him.
Some families are in bondage because the father is an alcoholic, enslaved to a chemical that has the potential
to destroy not only himself but his entire family. Somewhere along the line, this father bought into the lie, “One
little drink won't hurt you.” And then another lie: “A few drinks never hurt anybody, and they won't hurt you.”
And then another lie: “You are in control of your drinking, and as long as you are in control, you are all right.”
And then another lie and another until the man was in bondage, no longer in control of his drinking or his resulting
negative behavior. He eventually entered a state of oppression that impacted his family and put his wife and children
into a form of bondage as well.
The same pattern applies to any form of chemically induced bondage: the use of illegal drugs, overuse of prescription
medications, and the abuse of inhalants and other lesser known chemicals.
Some families are in bondage to bitterness. Consider a mother, for example, who has a deep-seated bitterness
toward her husband … or toward her own mother or father or to another person. She once bought a lie of Satan: “You
have justification to be bitter and to harbor this anger and hatred in your heart.” That lie led to another: “How
you feel is your business alone. Your feelings don't impact your husband or your children.” And the lies continued
as the bitterness built. The result, however, is now a family in which both husband and children “tiptoe” around
Mom because nobody is quite sure what will set her off or how her bitterness will be spewed out against them. Such
a family is in bondage—not free in spirit, not honest in communication, not genuinely loving in an unconditional,
generous way.
Some families are in bondage related to the use of pornography, an illicit sexual affair, or a spirit of greed
that has wreaked havoc with the family finances. Jealousy, a sensual spirit, and a lust for material goods all
can result in great personal and family bondage. Numerous forms of maladjustment and dysfunction result in bondage.
All, however, began with a lie or a deceitful temptation of Satan.
When we are tempted by Satan and yield to that temptation, it is as if we open the door to our lives and our
families and invite Satan to enter. If Satan can get one member of the family, and especially so the father, he
has entry to the entire family. A man who willingly and repeatedly yields to Satan's temptation has no authority
to keep Satan out of the lives of the rest of his family members.
• Have you ever experienced a bondage in your family? Can you identify the initial lie or deceit of Satan
that may have resulted in that bondage?
Sin Puts Us in Bondage
A prevailing truth in God's Word is this: sin creates spiritual bondage. In fact, sin is the root source of
bondage. Many other factors may contribute to or intensify bondage, but sin against God is the central and foremost
factor that creates the spiritual bondage that, in turn, gives rise to both personal and family problems.
Can a person sin repeatedly and not experience bondage? No. A pattern of sin in a person's life will always
result in bondage, which is also described in the Bible as enslavement or “dominion.”
Romans 6:13–16 tells us,
And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being
alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over
you, for you are not under law but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under
grace? Certainly not! Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slaves
whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?
A number of people have confessed to me down through the years that they knew they were sinning from the
outset of the sin that put their families into bondage, but they tried to convince themselves, “I'll stop this
after awhile. One of these days, I'll turn around and break loose of this.” They felt they had power over sin.
The truth of God's Word is that the impulses a person obeys and the desires that a person acts upon have power
over the person. They rule, dictate, and control.
In the case of alcohol, the person takes a drink. The drink desire increases. Eventually the drink takes the
person.
In the case of anger and hatred, the person feels anger and hate. The anger and hatred build. Eventually the
anger and hatred dictate what the person does, perceives, feels, thinks, and chooses to act upon.
Bondage begins when we sin against God. It becomes increasingly entrenched the longer we continue in the sin.
• How does it feel to be in bondage?
The Power of a Single Sin
Massive family problems as well as rather minor family problems can have as their source a single sinful act
born of one family member's will. One person decides to do things his or her way, contrary to God's way. One person
wants something, desires something, does something, or says something that is born of a rebellious or proud heart—in
opposition to the Word of God and God's plan for the family.
I have counseled families in which the problem that threatened a long-standing marriage began with just one
hurtful and unloving statement rooted in anger and bitterness. One act of infidelity. One “experimentation” with
a chemical. One dishonest transaction. One lie. One turn of a cold shoulder toward a family member in need.
That one willful, sinful act may have prompted other family members to react in sinful and willful ways.
The problem may have compounded until it was so complex that it was virtually unsolvable by the human mind. Nevertheless,
in reality, the problem began simply: a single act of sin.
• Can you identify a problem in your family, or a family you know, that began with a single act of rebellion
against God's Word and God's plan for the family?
The Bible is very clear on the fact that all sin has negative consequences. Ultimately, the consequences
for an unredeemed sin nature is eternal death. On this earth, however, we also experience something of a “death”
inside us when we sin. Sin causes a part of our inner conscience and soul to die—we might call it a loss of innocence,
a callousness of conscience, a hardening of the heart. We experience an inner torment, which we sometimes are even
hard-pressed to identify.
Within a family, sin on the part of one or more family members can cause trust to die, and ultimately it can
kill a relationship.
Furthermore, when one member of the family enters into sin and that sin goes unrepented, the result is generally
more sin. Sin becomes unchecked within the family, and Satan is allowed greater and greater influence until not
only the initial sinner but the entire family is in bondage.
Never wink at sin in your life or the lives of your family members. Never say, “Oh, it was just a little lie,
it was just a little dishonesty, it was just a little angry outburst.” The best time to deal with sin is at its
inception. Call sin for what it is—a deadly disease in both the individual's life and the life of your family.
Teach your children to recognize sin and call it for what it is. Be quick to respond to sin by calling a person
to repentance and to a change of behavior. Be quick to ask for God's forgiveness when you sin and to pray with
your children to receive God's forgiveness when you know—and they know!—that they have sinned. The good news for
each of us is that God is quick to forgive our sin when we come to Him with a humble and honest heart, admitting
our sin and seeking His forgiveness.
One of the most important psalms that you should teach your children, and that you might consider reading often
in your home, is Psalm 51, a portion of which is provided below:
Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge.
. … . … . ……
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Ps. 51:1–4, 7–10)
• What new insights do you have into this passage of Scripture?
What the Word Says
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom. 6:23)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
Exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of
sin. (Heb. 3:13)
What the Word Says to Me
Giving Ready Access to Satan
At times Satan seems to enter our families through an unlocked door. On these occasions, he doesn't need to
launch any major assault or even engage in persistent temptation. It is as if we provide ready access for uninvited
entry.
How might this happen?
• By not training our children in the commandments of God.
• By not setting limits and boundaries.
• By not taking charge of our schedules and establishing our priorities so that God, His Word, and the church
are of paramount importance to us as a family.
• By not choosing and then intentionally pursuing God's plan for authority and responsibility within the family.
The sin in this case is one of omission—of failing to do what is right before God. When we fail to establish
good, we are open prey to evil. When we fail to set standards for righteousness, the lack of standards results
in unrighteousness.
A person can be a “good person” in the eyes of the world, and in many cases, the eyes of other church members,
and still leave the door unlocked to Satan.
At times, the unlocked door is related to things that we allow into our homes that we should not allow. Let
me give you a couple of examples.
I once had a woman say to me, “I wish I could keep my fifteen-year-old son from reading a certain pornographic
magazine.” I said, “Don't blame your son. You have the authority to keep that magazine out of your home.”
She seemed stunned. “I have the authority?” she said with a giant question mark in her voice.
“Yes,” I said. “You have authority over your son as long as he is in your home and you are responsible for him
legally, financially, socially, and morally. Those who have responsibility have authority.”
She said, “But how can I keep him from bringing this magazine into our house?”
I said, “Don't let your son come through the door with it. Lock the door and then change the locks if you must.
Let your son know that you will not allow certain items into your home. If he is going to live with you, he must
abide by the rules you set for your home.”
A Parent's Example Can Be an Unlocked Door
At other times, the parents unwittingly set an example that leaves an unlocked door in their children's lives.
They want their children to “do what they say,” unaware that their children are far more likely to “do what they
do.”
I've had parents complain to me that their children drink too much at college, but if you opened the door to
the refrigerator in their homes, you'd find a six-pack of beer.
I've had parents moan that their young-adult children aren't going to church, but they do not see the relationship
between their playing golf on Sunday mornings when those children were sixteen and eighteen years old and the fact
that their children aren't attending church today.
I've had parents cry on my shoulder that their children run with a group of kids who watch all sorts of R-rated
and X-rated movies and videos, but as I question them, I find that those same parents never took control of the
television dial in their own home. In fact, those same parents watch R-rated and X-rated movies and videos themselves.
As parents, we must not allow certain things into our homes, and we must be very cautious in what we
ourselves do. Our children will always test the limits and the boundaries we set. They will always copy our behavior.
Any time we neglect to set proper boundaries or engage in improper behavior ourselves, we are leaving open a door
that should have been locked against the enemy. We may not be overtly granting permission for our children
to sin, but we certainly are making the access of Satan much easier into their lives. We must do our utmost to
“lock the doors” spiritually if we hope to deter Satan's efforts in plundering our children.
The Primary Responsibility Belongs to Dad
Who is the person primarily responsible for making sure that the doors of the home are locked spiritually? The
father.
In Matthew 12:29 Jesus said, “How can one enter a strong man's house and plunder his goods, unless he first
binds the strong man? And then he will plunder his house.”
The “strong man” in a family is the father. He is the one who has the ultimate responsibility for and authority
over his family members.
The word house in this verse can refer to the family as well as to a physical structure. We find this
usage in 1 Timothy 3:2a, 4 where it says, “A bishop then must be blameless … one who rules his own house well,
having his children in submission with all reverence.” A man does not rule his physical house, but rather, those
in it; he has authority over and responsibility for the members who reside in the house. In cases where the father
is not in the home, the mother has responsibility for her “house”—her children. Part of that responsibility is
to be an active member of a church in which the pastor and other strong Christian men can be authority figures
and role models for her sons and daughters.
The word goods means vessels—containers of precious value. This word can refer to family members, the
most precious of all treasures to a husband and father. Satan desires to “plunder” our spouses and our children.
It is very difficult for a wife and children to defend themselves against the onslaught of Satan if the father
is weak spiritually or is willingly in rebellion against God. They are “open prey” to Satan's efforts. Satan will
always hit the father first and the hardest because he knows that if he gets the dad, he gets the family.
In like manner, the father is the key to his family's salvation. In Acts 16 we read about a jailer who fell
before Paul and Silas with fear and trembling, asking, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” They said to him, “Believe
on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household” (Acts 16:30–31).
When a man accepts Jesus as Savior and begins to follow Him as Lord, it is much easier for that man's wife and
children to come to the Lord and to follow Him on a daily basis. In fact, the closer a father follows Christ, the
closer his family will follow Christ.
This does not mean that the children of every saved man will automatically be saved, but the chances are much
much greater—in fact, the percentage is extremely high—that saved parents will raise children who will accept Christ
for themselves.
• In your experience, what role did your father have in setting the spiritual tone for the family? What were
the results?
What the Word Says
We must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.… how shall we escape if we
neglect so great a salvation? (Heb. 2:1, 3a)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the
eldership. Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.
Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and
those who hear you. (1 Tim. 4:14–16)
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
Whatever things are true … noble … just … pure … lovely … of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is
anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in
me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. (Phil. 4:8–9)
What the Word Says to Me
• In what ways are you feeling challenged to take positive action to keep your family from spiritual bondage?
From Protecting Your Family by Charles
Stanley. Copyright 1998 by Charles Stanley.
