At age 7, my parents separated. My mom was forced to work nights in order to make enough money to support us, leaving my 8 year old sister and I alone at night. She had a neighbor keep an eye on us.
After a few months, my 14 year old sister and 10 year old brother moved in too. My oldest sister who was supposed ti be taking care of us, never stayed home. So we were still by ourselves most of the time. This made me apparently the perfect target for sexual abuse. My first abuse situation was with the father of my best friend at age 7.
Looking back on all the situations I went through, I realized that because my dad was gone, I was crying out for attention from men, but I didn't want this kind of attention. At age 10, my uncle, by marriage, started sexually abusing me. This went on for 2 years. I was afraid to tell anyone and he was good at creating ways to get me alone. My aunt and uncle separated, thank God, so the abuse from him was finally over. Then another uncle, this one was a blood relative, grabbed my breast one day and by then I had gotten smarter. I learned to steer clear of him. But this type of sexual abuse was just one kind that I endured. I talked to a guidance counselor at school about it and she told me that I must have done some thing to encourage this behavior. I thought about it and I could not think of anything that I did to encourage it.
I began to feel that I was useless to my future husband because I had nothing to offer him. I allowed my body to be used and abused by men. Why you ask? Because I was afraid to say no. I thought that was the only way I could get men to pay attention to me. By now I was also abusive to myself by using drugs to drown my pain so I could do things sexually for guys to get drugs.
Then I married a man who ran around with other women and I was willing to stay with him and let him hurt me this way. We had a child together and he didn't like the way I grew bigger when I was pregnant. He had to use books to stimulate himself so that we could have sex. This was a type of emotional abuse. It made me feel like I was not capable of satisfying him or anyone. But he decided that he couldn't stay that way and chose to leave. A year and a half later, I married a man whom already showed his ugly abusiveness. This time it was physical and emotional abuse. But again, I was so used to being abused and used by men, I accepted this behavior as long as he said he loved me. I tried to talk to him about my past and he told me that I must have done something to encourage it also. By now I had a real complex.
It wasn't until this man threatened my daughter that God was finally able to break through and I could hear what He wanted to say to me about this. He talked to my head and my heart in such a way that I just snapped. I was no longer willing to settle for just hearing I love you. God made me see that His love for me was the love I needed. Not the love I had settled for all my life. That was the turning point in my life, NO MORE CRUMBS!!!!!!

Proverbs 31:10-31

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

This is God's will for a womans life, to be a virtuous woman.

My heart's desire is to see all families live in harmony and grow in the love of God and each other. I have written a very important message that I pray will encourage many women to change the atmosphere of their homes forever.