The Abuser I received the letter below, from a former abuser. He has received the help he needs and is reformed. He allowed me to use the letter on this site, and has offered to allow other abusers to contact him, via-e-mail, so he can share this help with them. My prayer is, with this effort, marriages will be saved and families restored! Hi. You may use my letter on your site, and also you may use my email as a contact for men who want help or need to talk if you wish to. Thanks. Deryl From: D Miles derylmiles@hotmail.com To: tcarle@godsamazinggrace.org Subject: A letter from a former abuser. Dear Theresa, It is hard to write this, but know that I must. I appreciate what you are doing with your site. You see, I am a former abuser. I never thought that I would say those words. I grew up being abused, and told myself that I would not repeat that pattern in my life. Unfortunately, I did. I thought that I had dealt with all my childhood issues. I got married to a wonderful young Christian woman. I found my self getting angry, losing my temper. The abuse started shortly after we got married, and continued until I destroyed my marriage and ended up in jail. I was angrier than ever. My soul reeked of hate and hurt and pain. I progressed through the abuser cycle, escalating from yelling to physical. I lost control. In the end I lost one of the best people that I knew. That is a little about my background. I am truly sorry for the pain which I caused. I went to a domestic violence course and found that I was violent long before the physical started. I did not want to accept it at first, but as I looked at myself in the mirror I started to accept what I had became. I wanted to change, and perhaps this is the most important part of this letter. I sought after Christ to really change me, I had played church for years but never just gave up. I fought to keep the hurt tucked inside. I slowly started to change, I realized that I was wrong, I had hurt another of God's children. I still feel great sorrow for that. I repented and let God start to have all of me. Slowly he has helped me to work through those things from my past. I am a new creature in Christ, and I know that I am forgiven. I long to reach out to those men who are in the place which I was, especially those in the church. I have found, that it seems that homes which appear to be perfect may not be. It is my prayer that those men will see the truth before it is to late. I pray that God would protect those in abusive homes. I pray that abusers would get help. I know that it is not easy to get help and to step out and say I am an abuser. That is the first step. Some men may never change, I did though. I guess why I am writing to you is on behalf of all men who are abusers, to say thank you to ministering to the women who are or were victims of abuse. I pray that you find peace in your home, that your ministry would expand to touch many. I was moved by your site. May God Bless You. Thank you for your ministry. In Christ, Deryl Miles Spearfish, SD