Role of a Husband
God designed marriage to illustrate the relationship He intends to have with His people. The husband is to give
his wife honor and understanding, protecting her and acknowledging that she is a fully partnered heir of God.
Husband, be kind and gentle with your wife. Honor her as your very best friend. Listen to her and spend time
with her. Cherish her and make her feel extremely important. Recognize that not doing so will hinder your prayer
life and obstruct answers. [Spirit-Filled Life Bible (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1991), 1916,
“Truth-in-Action through 1 Peter,” #6.]
Read the following Scriptures and write down the different roles and responsibilities of a husband that are
listed.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they
shall be one flesh.
Mark 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
Proverbs 8:1 Doth not wisdom cry? and understanding put forth her voice? 2 She standeth in the top of high
places, by the way in the places of the paths. 3 She crieth at the gates, at the entry of the city, at the coming
in at the doors. 4 Unto you, O men, I call; and my voice is to the sons of man. 5 O ye simple, understand wisdom:
and, ye fools, be ye of an understanding heart. 6 Hear; for I will speak of excellent things; and the opening of
my lips shall be right things. 7 For my mouth shall speak truth; and wickedness is an abomination to my lips. 8
All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward or perverse in them. 9 They are all plain
to him that understandeth, and right to them that find knowledge. 10 Receive my instruction, and not silver; and
knowledge rather than choice gold. 11 For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired
are not to be compared to it. 12 I wisdom dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge of witty inventions. 13 The
fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate. 14
Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength. 15 By me kings reign, and princes decree
justice. 16 By me princes rule, and nobles, even all the judges of the earth. 17 I love them that love me; and
those that seek me early shall find me. 18 Riches and honour are with me; yea, durable riches and righteousness.
19 My fruit is better than gold, yea, than fine gold; and my revenue than choice silver. 20 I lead in the way of
righteousness, in the midst of the paths of judgment: 21 That I may cause those that love me to inherit substance;
and I will fill their treasures. 22 The LORD possessed me in the beginning of his way, before his works of old.
23 I was set up from everlasting, from the beginning, or ever the earth was. 24 When there were no depths, I was
brought forth; when there were no mountains abounding with water. 25 Before the mountains were settled, before
the hills was I brought forth: 26 While as yet he had not made the earth, nor the fields, nor the highest part
of the dust of the world. 27 When he prepared the heavens, I was there: when he set a compass upon the face of
the depth: 28 When he established the clouds above: when he strengthened the fountains of the deep: 29 When he
gave to the sea his decree, that the waters should not pass his commandment: when he appointed the foundations
of the earth: 30 Then I was by him, as one brought up with him: and I was daily his delight, rejoicing always before
him; 31 Rejoicing in the habitable part of his earth; and my delights were with the sons of men. 32 Now therefore
hearken unto me, O ye children: for blessed are they that keep my ways. 33 Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse
it not. 34 Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. 35
For whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain favour of the LORD. 36 But he that sinneth against me wrongeth
his own soul: all they that hate me love death.
Proverbs 5:18 18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the
husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power
of his own body, but the wife.
1 Corinthians 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let
not the husband put away his wife.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is
the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands
in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself
a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man
ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the
faith, and is worse than an infidel.
Titus 2:6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. 7 In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good
works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, 8 Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he
that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.
Define for yourself what each of these things mean and how they are lived out in our culture today.
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto
the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Read over the list you just made. How are you doing? Write down the areas you are currently doing well on.
Then write down the areas you need to improve upon.
A Christian renders service to others as a way of serving the Lord Christ. In Colossians 3, the relationship
to which this truth is specifically applied is the husband-wife relationship. The role and admonition that God
assigns to a husband is meant to be a way of serving his wife. Likewise a distinctive role and direction is given
to the wife, according to which she serves her husband.
These roles are not self-chosen, nor are they assigned by the culture in which one lives: they are given by
God as a means of manifesting the life of Christ. In this setting the word submission acquires its full
biblical significance for family life: husband and wife alike are submissive to God in fulfilling the roles that
He has given them. In serving each other, husband and wife serve and honor Christ. The word “submit” (Greek hupotasso)
is formed from hupo (“under”) and tasso (“to arrange in an orderly manner”). In this context it describes
a person who accepts his or her place under God's arranged order. Also, remember that God's directive to submit
is not limited to wives. In James 4:7 and Ephesians 5:21 we see the directive applied to every believer—in his
or her relationships with others—and with God. [Ibid., 1818, “Kingdom Dynamics: Col. 3:18, 19, 23, 24, Husbands
and Wives Called to Operate in God's Order.”]
In Isaiah 54:5, God reveals Himself by the title husband to disclose how deeply He loves His people and
how effectively He cares for them. In so doing, He unveils an important dimension of human family life with particular
reference to husbands: a husband is to love and to take care of his wife and children. God is a Protector and
a Provider. Husbands who open themselves to God's direction will find both the inspiration and the power
to be those things for their families, for those attributes of God's being will flow into and fill their lives.
[Ibid., 1034, “Kingdom Dynamics: Is. 54:5, The Husband, Protector and Provider.”]
Although the husband is the head of the home and final responsibility for decisions rest with him, his authority
flows out of 1) his submission to the Father, and 2) his servant-heart toward his family.
Love is servant spirited. The world-mind will never understand or accept this call. A servant is one who accepts
and acknowledges a place beneath those whom he serves, one willing to forsake the systems of social status on our
human scale of values. Servants are viewed as performing the unworthy tasks considered beneath those whom they
serve. But Jesus says that those who function as His servants—serving the world in His name—will be honored by
the heavenly Father. Every true servant will ultimately be honored by the One whom they serve and who has promised
them honor for that service!
If we follow and serve our King, in that act of service we are elevated to a place of honor! [Ibid., 1598, “Kingdom
Dynamics: John 12:26, Love Is Servant-Spirited.”]
Read the account of Jesus' healing the centurion's servant Mattew 8:5 And when Jesus was entered into Capernaum,
there came unto him a centurion, beseeching him, 6 And saying, Lord, my servant lieth at home sick of the palsy,
grievously tormented. 7 And Jesus saith unto him, I will come and heal him. 8 The centurion answered and said,
Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be
healed.
From where did the centurion derive his authority?
From where did Jesus derive His authority?
How is the basis of the husband's authority similar?
The whole issue of submission and authority in the home has been the source of much discussion, controversy,
and misuse. In dealing with this subject, however, we must keep several points in mind:
First, God's original intent for the family, as seen in the first couple, was that they would rule over Earth
as complete partners: they were one flesh and mutually shared everything in every way. Sin broke that partnership
and in the redemptive process, the Lord established the husband as the head of the family. In Christ, however,
the Lord wants to move us back to our position together as “joint heirs” (1 Pet. 3:7). Thus, biblical authority
or position is never to be used as an excuse to become some kind of a taskmaster or dictator. As God makes the
husband to rule over their home as a king and priest to his God (Rev. 1:6), so He desires for the wife to rise
in rulership as queen beside her husband.
Second, the authority of the husband is not to become an excuse for the wife to renege on her responsibilities.
The role of a wife will be dealt with in more detail in the Role of a Wife,
but let this suffice: some of the worst misuse on the subject of authority has come from women who decide to put
all responsibility on their husbands and refuse to use the wisdom and capabilities God gave them. Responding correctly
to authority has to do with an attitude of heart and willingness to serve, not in whether or not you may go to
the market if your husband hasn't given you specific permission.
Faith Alive
How is the authority situation in your home? Do you, as the husband, feel that your decisions are respected
and observed?
Is your wife continually growing in her own capabilities as joint-ruler with you? Your wife's authority flows out
of your authority, just as your authority flows out of God's authority. Are you releasing her to greater levels
of ministry as she answers the Lord's call on her life? Do your children respond respectfully and obediently to
your authority in the home?
If your authority isn't being honored in your home, perhaps you aren't exercising it in a servant-hearted
attitude. Read John 13:1–17. Notice how Jesus, though He is Savior and Lord, stooped to wash the feet of those
He led. What does this tell you about how you are to lead?
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
We are to love our wives as Christ loves the church. How does Christ love the church? Jesus did not come to be
served by the church. He came to serve. We are to serve our wives. The Bible tells us that our wives are to submit
unto us as the church submits to Christ. We can not expect our wives to submit to us if we do not submit to God.
Christ died for the church and there is no greater love.
As Jesus took the towel and basin to wash His disciples' feet, His assuming a servant's role exhibits more than
humility, but also evidences the psychological security essential to a leader. Jesus' lifestyle and lessons establish
the mode for a new kind of leader—the servant-leader (Matt. 20:26–28). The servant leader leads from a position
of personal security, that is, knowing who God has made him or her to be, and resting in the peaceful awareness
and confidence that God's hand is ordering his or her personal destiny (see this in v. 3, of Jesus). The godly
leader is one who stops to help another, who counts others better than himself (Phil. 2:3, 4), who lays down his
life for others (John 10:11), who seeks to serve rather than to be served (Luke 22:27). Until a person is ready
to wash feet he is not qualified to be a kingdom leader. [Ibid., 1600, “Kingdom Dynamics: Secure.”]
Ephesians has much to say about building godly relationships. This is one of the major themes of the New Testament.
Our relationships are to be loving, truthful, selfless, and submissive. Simply put, Ephesians exhorts that we relate
to others as Jesus relates to the Father and to us. Maintain a selflessly submissive attitude in all your
family relationships. Understand that this will provide evidence that Christ rules your home. [Ibid., 1798, “Truth-in-Action
through Ephesians,” #3.]
Look at the following examples of couples in scripture. Some of these examples are positive, some are negative.
As you read about each couple, jot down what the husband did right or wrong to contribute to the leadership and
atmosphere in his family.
Ahab and Jezebel: 1 Kin. 16:30–22:40
Abigail and Nabal: 1 Sam. 25:2–42
Adam and Eve: Genesis 2:15–3:21
Abraham and Sarah: Genesis 12:10–20; 16:1–18:15; 20:1–21:12
Jacob and Leah/Rachel: Genesis 29:1–30:24
Solomon and bride: The Song of Solomon
Esther and Ahasuerus: The Book of Esther
Ananias and Sapphira: Acts 5:1–11
Mary and Joseph: Matthew 1:18–2:23; Luke 2:1–52
Is there an example here that reflects how you relate to your family? Is it a negative or positive example?
How did this person relate to the Lord in their home? How do you relate to the Lord in your home? Is it similar?
How could this person have improved upon how they related to and led their family?
Would these be good suggestions for you to apply to your family life?
A Word About Sexual Relations
We've all heard the “not-tonight-I-have-a-headache” jokes. However, over the years, we have noticed in our counseling
of couples that the trend seems to be toward husbands saying this to their wives rather than just wives saying
this to their husbands. This phenomenon can be blamed on: fear, anger or unforgiveness toward the wife, pornography,
masturbation, or adultery. But it has become the new way that men punish their wives—by withholding sex from them
and thus excluding them from the “one flesh” covenant and partnership that was established on their wedding day.
Withholding sex can, of course, come from either partner. But whoever it comes from, please know this: it is
not scriptural. First Corinthians 7 makes it clear that our bodies are not our own. When we enter into marriage,
our bodies become the property of our spouse.
Christian couples should overcome sexual selfishness and should not deprive one another. If sexual activity
is interrupted in marriage, three conditions are necessary: mutual consent; a limited time; spiritual, not selfish,
reasons. [Ibid., 1728, note on 1 Corinthians 7:5.]
Faith Alive
Write out 1 Corinthians 7:2–5 to get a clear picture of what your sexual responsibility toward your spouse is
according to the Bible.
Why is the sexual relationship so important in marriage?
The following questions are to be answered simply between you and the Lord:
Do either you or your spouse use excuses to avoid a sexual relationship? Why?
Do you avoid sex for any of the reasons named above: fear, anger or unforgiveness toward your spouse, pornography,
masturbation, adultery?
If so, what do you feel the Lord is calling you to do about it?
Would professional counseling help you and your spouse work through this situation?
How may the Lord be calling you to be a leader in this area of your marriage?
Sexual intercourse is an intimate expression of affection between a husband and wife. The apostle underscores its
importance in marriage by declaring that it is in fact a duty: a husband is to be available for his wife
at her request, and a wife for her husband at his request.
It is more than an act of biological mating. The Bible calls it a privileged “mystery” by which two people,
a man and a woman, become one (Eph. 5:32; see Gen. 2:24).…
Marriage is the one and the only place that God has provided for sexual union to take place. In that setting
it becomes a powerful symbol of the love between Christ and the church, a pure sharing of joy and delighting one
another that is a gift from the hand of God. Outside those boundaries, it eventually becomes destructive. [Ibid.,
1727–1728 “Kingdom Dynamics: 1 Cor. 7:3, 4, Three Sides of Sex: Unity, Symbol of Love, Reserved for Marriage.”]
From The Spirit-Filled Family: Holy Wisdom to Build Happy Homes by Jack W. Hayford with Rebecca Hayford Bauer. Copyright 1994 by Jack W. Hayford. Published by Thomas
Nelson, Inc.
