The Full Truth about Sex in the Marriage
By: Bruce Wilkinson
Introduction
Think about yesterday for a moment. How many meals did you eat? Why did you eat them? If you are like the majority
of us, you probably ate three meals and the numerous nibbles in between- and you ate probably because you were
hungry and you may have been seeking some degree of subtle comfort.
How many times did you feel guilty for feeling hungry?
Now, you may have felt guilty about the fact that when you sat down to eat, you crossed the barrier and overate-which
the Bible calls the sin of gluttony. But, to mix the sin of gluttony with the need and desire to eat would be a
vast error! Hunger is God-given and should be satisfied, whereas gluttony is when man uses the God-given need but
oversteps the acceptable boundaries of its fulfillment. You should eat to satisfy your needs but not to trespass
the boundaries of normal self-control.
Pictured in that little analogy is the identical truth applicable in your sexual life. Not only has your hunger-drive
been by God, but so also has your sex-drive been given by God. Not only has God provided the normal avenue to fulfill
that hunger drive-through food, but God has also provided the normal avenue to fulfill that sex drive-through your
wife. (Please know that I am purposefully keeping this discussion very narrow, aimed specifically on a man's problem
with sexual immorality. The Bible balances this issue with love, affection, etc. which is unfortunately, beyond
the limited scope of this week)
Now, do you believe the drive for food is wrong?
Do you believe the drive for sex is wrong?
Both are universal and both are God-given.
Both have universal and God-given solutions.
Let's say that for some reason, you weren't able to eat when you were hungry and were forced to go without numerous
lunches and suppers. Although you were very hungry, you felt uncomfortable or self-conscious about asking the chef
of the kitchen for food. Or, when you did ask for the food, you found the kitchen locked and unavailable to you
because the chef was unwilling to cook you something to eat on that day. What would you do?
After a while, you would be more and more severely tempted to find another source of food. Why? Because the more
you didn't ask for food because embarrassment for being hungry again, or the more you were denied food by the person
who controlled the food-the more your hunger would grow and push you to seek another solution. But the only problem
was that there wasn't any lawful place to find food for yourself! The food that was rightfully yours was totally
out of your reach, so you found yourself tempted and tempted and soon found yourself considering food that wasn't
yours.
What the Bible teaches
Do you see the immediate application to what the Bible teaches? Don't miss it, my friend! I'm utterly convinced
that the vast majority of sexual immorality among Christian men is because they (and their wives) misunderstand
the clear teachings of the Bible on this vital subject of sexual immorality. It is "because of sexual immorality"
that you are to have your own wife!
If you always had good food on the table at meal times and had little snacks here and there in the cupboard-how
tempted would you be to "steal" other peoples food and snacks? When the needs are met, the temptation
to meet those needs in an inappropriate manner is-for the most prat-taken care of. (Later in this session, the
other half of this subject will be discussed-your desire for sexual pleasure outside of your marriage).
"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his
own body, but the wife." 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
It's Up To You
Because God has provided the "food" to meet the sexual hunger drive in each man and woman in the person
of their spouse, the husband must fulfill the sexual "duty" or "obligation" to his wife and
the wife to her husband. What does the Bible mean in this context that the husband is to "render unto the
wife due benevolence" except that he is to proactively be the "food" for his wife's sexual hunger.
Once again the Bible doesn't leave any room for confusion in this matter because the verb "fulfill" or
"render" is in the imperative-God commands you and your wife to meet each other's sexual needs. Are you
meeting her needs? Are you having your needs met by her?
Morning Bible reading:
1 Corinthians 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have
her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence (affection): and likewise also the wife
unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath
not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time ,
that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
Morning Prayer
Dear Compassionate Father,
"Though the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His comparisons fail not. They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness!" Lord, you are so very faithful and compassionate to me regarding my human needs.
You promise to meet all my needs including food and clothing and even something as personal as my own sexual needs.
Lord, I bless your name for being so tender-minded toward me!
Thank you for giving me such a wonderful wife! Thank you that she is Your provision in so many ways including
my sexual life. Lord, I relinquish the authority over my body to my wife and hereby pledge to meet her needs with
affection. Lord, help me to be honest and tender with my wife regarding my sexual needs. Give me grace!
Afternoon Bible reading
1 Thessalonians 4:3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:
4 That every one of you should know how to posses his vessel in sanctification and honor; 5 Not in the lust of
concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: 6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any
matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. 7 For God
hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto his holiness. 8 He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but
God, who hath also given unto his holy Spirit.
Afternoon Prayer
Oh, Pure One of Glory,
With head bowed before Your Holy and Pure Presence, I humble myself this day. You know too much about me, Lord,
and I am unable to hide from Your all-searching eyes. I am unclean. You know the lusts of my heart. You know the
past actions of immorality. You have seen what I have seen. you have gone where I have gone. You have always been
aware of what I have secretly thought.
Oh Lord, I confess the sexual sins of my life. I hide not these acts and thoughts from you any longer. Sexual
uncleanness, hidden lusts, private acts of impurity, affairs of the mind and body. Oh Lord, what I have seen with
my eyes so saddens and grieves Your Holy Spirit. I confess! I repent. Cleanse me from wickedness and lead me in
the paths of holiness. In the holy name of Jesus.
Evening Bible Reading
1 Corinthians 6:13b Now the body is is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. 18 Flee
fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against
his own body. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have
of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in
your spirit, which are God's.
Evening Prayer
Oh Intimate Friend, Closer than a Brother,
How can I face the truth about your holy Presence in my unholy life? To think, oh Lord, that you not only desire
to be close to me because you love me, but you dwell in my very body-as your temple. Cleanse my body, oh Holy Father,
from all iniquity. Forgive all my unholiness. make my heart your home of holiness.
To think, Lord, that you died for me. You-no one else but You. Through Your blood You purchased me. Not just
my spirit, not just my soul, but my very body. You invested your blood for my body. It's no longer mine but Yours.
Oh Lord, I take my hands off your possession-and welcome You into the inner chambers. Please make my body to be
a pleasure for Your Spirit to inhabit. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
