Sex Is God's Idea
There is no greater confusion in our world today than the entire question of our sexuality as beings made in
the image of God. The joy and power of the sexual relationship within marriage offer a boundless wealth to a couple
in their life together. There is no surprise on God's part that sex is such a strong and compelling force in the
human experience. The creative wonder of God's genius gave man not only the capacity to sustain the species but
to use our sexuality to bring joy to and deepen the most intimate and desirable of all human relationships—that
between husband and wife. The dynamic power of sex in its ability to fulfill the marriage relationship according
to God's order has exactly the same power to destroy marriage and the family when it is disobediently indulged
in outside of the marriage bond. With the Scriptures as our guide we will examine God's order regarding our sexuality.
Understanding our sexuality must begin at its creation in the Garden of Eden.
Read Genesis 1:26–28. What was God's purpose in placing man on the planet?
With regard to gender, who bears the image of God?
Since both male and female bear the image of God, how does that influence God's understanding of our human needs
as men and women?
What was God's first command to the first couple in Genesis 1:28?
Has God ever rescinded this command in the Bible?
What does this command reveal about the basic purpose and responsibility of human sexuality?
Now turn to Genesis 2:7–25. What were the two reasons given for the woman's creation in verse 18?
Why is it that God created partnership between a man and a woman?
Genesis 2:25 reveals an attitude about the human body. What was the response of the man and woman to their own
nakedness and that of their partner?
Do you think God shares that same attitude about the human body?
Look at Genesis 3:7. When did the man and woman become self-conscious of their nakedness?
What brought about this response?
Was this embarrassment part of God's original design?
With the entrance of sin in the human experience came a breach of intimacy and self-consciousness about the
sexual difference between male and female. How does sin in human experience continue to erode intimate relationships
between marriage partners even today?
Some have taught, erroneously, that the sin of the man and woman had to do with their discovery of sexual intimacy.
What was the sin that brought such destruction into our world?
Do you think the issue was eating a piece of fruit or was it something greater? Explain your answer.
The Blessing of Sex in Marriage
The Bible is remarkably candid about the joys of sexual intimacy between a husband and wife. “In the Song of
Solomon, ‘love’ is the key word. This love, presenting the passionate desire between a man and a woman, King Solomon
and the Shulamite, celebrates the joyous potential of marriage in light of sworn covenant principles. The basis
for all human love should be covenant love, the master metaphor of the Bible. This covenant love is also the basis
of the relationship between God and man; therefore, the Song applies properly to both marriage and to covenant
history. The Shulamite therefore personifies the wife in an ideal marriage and the covenant people and their history
in the Promised Land under the blessings of royal Solomonic love.” [The Spirit-Filled Life Bible (Nashville,
TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1991), 946, “Introduction to the Song of Solomon, Purpose.”]
The examination of this book of the Bible sets a liberating and fulfilling tone in the sexual relationship between
a husband and wife. Read the Song of Solomon. As you read the book, what attitudes do you discover of this husband
and wife toward each other?
Did you sense any embarrassment of the couple toward each other in their intimacy?
What was the response of the couple toward the physical attributes of their spouse?
Do you think these attitudes toward the physical aspects of a marriage relationship are appropriate and consistent
with a holy life? Why or why not?
Do you think God is pleased with the openness of this couple with each other? Why or why not?
How does Solomon's bride view the coming of their wedding? (See 3:6–11.)
Obviously, there is considerable physical attraction between this couple. What do you think verse 10 means when
it says, “Its interior is paved with love”?
Can sexual attraction be separated from love and still be healthy within marriage?
The Song of Solomon offers considerable instruction for married couples and for couples who are preparing for
marriage. There are several principles related to a healthy family life which must be observed for there to be
a maximum blessing in marriage.
Instruction one: Make an unshakable commitment to your marriage.
What is “the seal upon your heart” in 8:6?
In verse 8:7 a great sacrifice for love is described. What is it?
Instruction two: Healthy marital relations are secured in moral purity.
Read 1:2–4. Is sexual desire for your partner appropriate? Does it violate biblical moral purity? Explain your
answer.
Read verses 2:7; 3:5; 8:4. All three verses use the phrase “Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.”
What do you think this means?
Could these references refer to sexual relationships before marriage?
Instruction three: Spouses must accept each other without needing to change each other.
Read verses 1:15–2:1. What does this show about self-acceptance and acceptance of your partner?
What does 2:16 say about the matter of acceptance with each other?
Instruction four: Take time to address the problems and challenges every couple must face.
Are the “clefts of the rocks” and the “secret places of the cliff,” as mentioned in 2:14, inevitable even in
good marriages?
What do the “little foxes” in 2:15 represent in the life of this couple?
Instruction five: Learn to communicate your feelings openly and honestly with your partner.
Solomon is obviously delighted with his wife (4:8–15). How many different things does Solomon specifically refer
to in describing his feeling about the Shulamite?
Does he say them directly to her?
Are all the things described by Solomon physical in this passage?
What is the Shulamite's response to her husband in 4:16?
Do you think this kind of open and intimate talk strengthens a marriage? Why or why not?
In the New Testament, guidelines are given to married couples about their sexual relationship. Read 1 Corinthians
7:2–5, and answer the questions below.
What does “due affection” mean in verse 3?
Why does the apostle say in verse 4 that a person does not have “authority over his own body”?
Who possesses this authority?
The Need To Train Our Children
Another crucial aspect in the development of a healthy sexual relationship in marriage is directly related to
how a person is trained to understand sexual relationships. The parental role in setting standards, communicating
both the blessing and the responsibilities of our sexual life, and helping children develop healthy attitudes towards
sex is the parent's responsibility. Too often the way children are trained about sexual matters is either through
experience with their peers, self-discovery, or some sort of valueless sex-education curriculum provided in schools.
Every parent must be the primary source of information about sex for their children. It is unavoidable in our
world to protect our children from other sources of sexual information. However, the role of the parent will determine
the values of the child and provide them access to the most reliable and complete source of information about sex.
Wherever the parent rejects this role as either embarrassing or inappropriate, someone else will eventually teach
the child about sex. Then it is the values of another person which will begin to shape a crucial aspect of the
relational development for the child, with life-long implications.
Read Deuteronomy 6:1–9.
What does “keep all His statutes and commandments” mean in verse 2?
Does this include God's view of moral purity?
Who are those who must keep these commandments in verse 2?
According to Deuteronomy 6:7, who is responsible to teach children the way of the Lord?
There are at least twenty benefits listed in Deuteronomy 7:12–26 resulting from obedience to the commandments
of the Lord. List ten of them.
1. 6.
2. 7.
3. 8.
4. 9.
5. 10.
Is sexual purity one of the commandments which bring blessing?
Since the responsibility of teaching children about sex belongs with the parent, there is a question of what
should be taught to the children and at what age. Here are five basic rules for communicating with our children
about sex.
Rule One: Always answer the direct question your child asks about body anatomy and sexual relationship.
These answers should be age appropriate. Young children should be answered with the minimum amount of information
that satisfies their inquiry. If they are ready to know more specific information, they will ask. Volunteering
more information than requested by the child can only confuse or disturb them with knowledge they are not able
to process intellectually or emotionally.
Rule Two: Always answer truthfully. Answering questions about sexuality, childbirth, and the husband-wife
relationship with embarrassed non-answers only communicates your own insecurity about sex to your children. It
also demonstrates an absence of will to answer such sensitive questions, possibly leading your children to others
who are more open to answering their questions.
Rule Three: Make a detailed presentation to your children about the facts of life before they receive
this information from peers, school sex-education courses, etc. Parents have an enormous privilege to be the most
trusted authority on sexual relationships with their children. Being forthright and honest opens the way for a
healthy exchange of information, attitudes, values, and behavior as children become teenagers.
Rule Four: Communicate both the joy and God-given responsibility of the sexual relationship within marriage
as your children reach their teen years. Any instructions on the mechanics of sexual function must be coupled directly
with the responsibility of managing our lives according to the principles God has given us.
Rule Five: Make a covenant with your children about maintaining sexual purity before marriage. Knowing
that Dad and Mom are willing and understanding prayer partners with them as they go through the challenging teenage
years will provide a source of guidance and strength for young people navigating the waters of a sexually promiscuous
and perverse world.
Obedience to God's Sexual Laws
The Bible is specific about our sexual conduct. Repeatedly God warns us about the consequence of sexual activity
outside of the sanctified relationship of marriage. However, the world's standard for sexual activity is markedly
different. In this section we will study some specific aspects of God's law concerning sexual activity.
Adultery and Fornication
Read John 8:1–12. What is the sin of adultery?
Word Wealth
Adultery, moicheia (moy-khi-ah); Strong's #3430: Unlawful sexual intercourse, illicit
connection with a married person, marital infidelity. Moicheia is incompatible with the harmonious laws
of family life in God's kingdom; and since it violates God's original purpose in marriage, it is under God's judgment.
[Ibid., 1588, “Word Wealth John 8:3 adultery.”]
What is the penalty for this sin according to verse 5? (See also Leviticus 20:10.)
Was the penalty in Leviticus 20:10 only for the woman?
Since this woman was caught “in adultery, in the very act” (8:4), why was her consort not taken to Jesus as
well?
Were those who “caught” the woman interested in justice in this case?
What was Jesus' response to the adulterous woman in verse 11, 12?
Whom does Paul include in the list of the “unrighteous who will not inherit the kingdom of God” in 1 Corinthians
6:9?
What is a “fornicator” in 1 Corinthians 6:9?
Word Wealth
Fornications, porneia (por-ni-ah); Strong's #4202: Compare “pornography,” “pornographic.”
Illicit sexual intercourse, including prostitution, whoredom, incest, licentiousness, adultery, and habitual immorality.
The word describes both physical immorality and spiritual, signifying idolatry (Rev. 2:21; 14:8; 17:2). [Ibid.,
1434, “Word Wealth John 15:19 fornications.”]
Kingdom Extra
Sexual intercourse between a married person and someone who is not his or her mate is adultery.
The Ten Commandments contain the prohibition against adultery: “You shall not commit adultery” (Ex. 20:14).
The reason is simple: marriage is the foundation of society, and with it comes the responsibility of child-rearing.
Casual sex outside marriage not only imperils marriage but also destroys the paternal or maternal feeling for the
children of the marriage, and blurs the lines of family relationships.
Fornication is sex between two unmarried people. The apostle Paul taught that this is a sin against the body.
He commanded Christians to flee fornication as a sin against self and God, for the believer's body is the temple
of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:18, 19). Paul further wrote that if a believer takes his body and joins it to a harlot
(or someone who is immoral), he is joining Jesus Christ to that person! (1 Cor. 6:15, 16).
It is extremely important to understand that neither fornicators nor adulterers will enter the kingdom of heaven
(1 Cor. 6:9, 10). In today's world, the term fornication is rarely used, and immorality between unmarried
people is commonly accepted as a life-style. But immorality, however commonplace, is a sin that will keep millions
of people out of heaven, unless they repent. [Ibid., 2003, “Spiritual Answers to Hard Questions #18.”]
In 1 Corinthians 6:13–20 why is the apostle Paul so adamant about sexual purity for the people of God?
What is the instruction in verse 18 for people who are tempted with immorality?
In verse 20 we are instructed to glorify God. How?
Read Matthew 5:27–30. Jesus redefines adultery in verse 28. How?
Jesus teaches us that adultery begins in the heart due to our lust. He also uses the metaphor of plucking out
an eye or cutting off a hand to stop such lust. What point is the Lord making with such imagery?
Kingdom Extra
Jesus does not stop short at overt adultery, but points to adulterous desire. He demands complete self-control
over the members of the body. He does not prescribe literal self-mutilation, but a rigid, moral self-denial. [Ibid.,
1412, note on Matt. 5:28–30.]
Homosexuality
Read Romans 1:18–32. In verses 26, 27, the sin of homosexuality is described by four different sets of terms,
what are they?
1. 3.
2. 4.
The commitment to violate God's way in sexual obedience is described in its beginning in verse 21. What are
the two things people do in this verse to reject God?
What does the Bible say in verse 32 about those who practice the acts listed in this passage? (Also see Lev.
20:13.)
Romans 1:32 describes judgment not only for those who practice such wickedness but for those who “approve of
those who practice them.” Why is this so?
Incest and Sexual Abuse
Read Leviticus 18 and 20. As you read these specific laws about sexual purity within family relationships, it
is clear that the only God-sanctioned sexual relationship is between husband and wife. Much damage has been done
throughout the ages by lust-filled, demonically-inspired incest. It destroys the trust in the family. The devastation
of lives has brought much pain to so many as a result of those who have violated God's order in the family. Why
is God so specific about purity of sexual relationships within the family?
What does the Bible say about lust for a family member that does not produce the result of physical adultery?
Job 31:1
Prov. 6:25
Matt. 5:28
James 1:14–16
Self-Control and Masturbation
There is some controversy in the church over the propriety of masturbation for the single person. Clearly,
masturbation denies the proper consideration of one spouse for the other in marriage and is thereby not appropriate.
However, for the single person there are several considerations which must be addressed on this matter.
What two things does 1 John 2:16 say about “the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life?”
First John 2:17 declares that the lust of the world is:
According to verse 17, who will abide forever?
Read Ephesians 4:17–24. In verse 17 we are told not to walk in the way that the rest of the Gentiles walk. There
are seven things that characterize this walk. What are they?
1. 5.
2. 7.
3. 6.
4.
Verse 19 describes a self-willed attitude toward sex and perversion. Paul uses one phrase and three words to
characterize this behavior; list them.
1. 3.
2. 4.
Is masturbation possible without lust, or does it open the door to it?
Read Galatians 5:16–26. How does self-control in verse 23 relate to the sex life of the believer who is unmarried?
How is this kind of self-control possible according to verses 16, 24, and 25?
1. Walk ___________________.
2. Crucify _________________________.
3. Live ___________________.
Read 1 Corinthians 7:1, 2, 8, 9. Do you think the apostle Paul understands the difficulties single people encounter
with sexual purity?
Read 1 Corinthians 7:8, 25–40. Do you think it is possible that some people use their own self-gratification
to avoid the responsibility of marriage and a family? How do you think they do this?
Faith Alive
We've talked about some very sensitive issues in this chapter, yet they must be addressed from a biblical perspective.
In reviewing the scriptures you've looked up, what areas of your life is the Lord challenging you to change? Are
they areas of addition or deletion? How will these changes affect your relationship with your spouse, if you have
one?
As you present these areas to the Lord, ask Him to show you how to incorporate these changes into your life
and give you the strength and steadfastness to live your life according to His commands.
From The Spirit-Filled Family: Holy Wisdom to Build Happy
Homes by Jack W. Hayford with Rebecca Hayford Bauer. Copyright 1994 by Jack W. Hayford.
