Forgiveness—Love in Action
Our salvation has been obtained for us through God's abundant love and His merciful forgiveness. It is the basis
of our relationship with Him, and therefore should come as no surprise that it is the basis of our relationship
with those around us.
Let's look at some of the things Jesus had to say about forgiveness. As you look up these verses, think about
what the implications are for us: 1) in our forgiveness received from the Father, and 2) in our forgiveness given
to those around us. Write down your observations.
Matt. 6:12–15
Matt. 9:2–6
Matt. 18:21–22
Mark 11:25–26
Luke 6:37
Luke 7:47
Luke 17:3, 4
The Gospel of John doesn't specifically use the word “forgive,” however we see this same forgiving attitude
lived out in Jesus' ministry as He speaks with individual people. Look at the following episodes and write down
what Jesus' attitude toward these people was and how He ministered forgiveness to them.
3:1–21 (note vv. 16–17)
4:5–26
5:1–15
8:3–12
A major emphasis of Jesus' teaching is how to build and maintain right relationships with God and man. He views
these relationships as neither unimportant nor extraneous, but as the essence of which life is made. Knowing God
is our highest priority, but this pursuit should not replace or diminish our interpersonal relationships with others.
Rather, our personal interaction with God should produce within us the qualities of character that build and sustain
all our relationships.
Practice instant reconciliation. Understand that conflicts cause much greater damage to relationships when left
unresolved. Understand that God forgives us our sins as we forgive others who have sinned against us. Adopt the
forgiveness of others into your prayer life as a daily discipline. Correct your faults and solve your own problems
before attempting to correct faults or problems in others. Let any judgmental attitude in yourself signal the need
to examine yourself for things that bother you about others. [Spirit-Filled Life Bible (Nashville, TN: Thomas
Nelson Publishers, 1991), 1567–1568, “Truth-In-Action through the Synoptic Gospels,” #6.]
Forgiveness as practiced within the family unit goes in all directions: parent to child, child to parent, spouse
to spouse. And it is our attitude toward God that ultimately determines our attitudes toward one another. If we
truly recognize how great our salvation and God's forgiveness are in our thankfulness to the Father, we can do
nothing less than extend that same forgiveness and greatness of heart to everyone around us.
Our attitudes toward our mates are governed by our attitudes toward God. A husband may fall short of a wife's
expectations and of God's ideal for a husband. Nevertheless, she seeks in every way to be a good wife, modeling
her behavior on Christ, who obeyed and trusted the Father even when His own people rejected Him (John 1:11). Or,
a wife may disappoint her husband, disregard his authority, or withhold her respect. Nevertheless, a husband honors
his wife, cares for her, and prays for her, modeling his behavior on the Father, who “knows our frame” (Ps. 103:14).
[Ibid., 1912, “Kingdom Dynamics: 1 Pet. 3:1–7, Attitudes Toward God Determine Attitudes Toward Mates.”]
Are there areas where you have been disappointed by a spouse or child? What are they?
Have you allowed any of these disappointments to turn into bitterness and unforgiveness in your soul? How has it
affected your behavior toward this person?
Has harboring unforgiveness affected your relationship with the Lord?
Based on the scriptures we've looked at so far, what is the Lord calling you to do with these disappointments?
In your heart?
In your actions?
In your relationship with Him?
In Matthew 18:18–35, Jesus' prefacing words make this “kingdom” parable of the unforgiving servant especially
crucial. The human capacity to forget God's gracious gift of forgiveness and allow smallness of soul to breed unforgiveness
is soberingly warned against. 1) Jesus showed how unforgiveness can restrict what God would do in others. (Note:
the jailed fellow-servant is still in prison at the story's end, revealing the power of unforgiveness to “bind”
circumstances to an undesirable level of perpetual problem.) 2) Jesus teaches how the spirit of unforgiveness (the
torturers, literally “bill collectors”) exacts its toll on our bodies, minds, and emotions. Finally, every “kingdom”
person is advised to sustain a forgiving heart toward all other persons. Kingdom privileges and power must not
be mishandled. The “binding” power of unforgiveness is potentially dangerous to any of us.
Matthew 18:18, 19 is frequently quoted to assert the believer's authority in prayer. But the power to “bind
and loose” is quickly shown to be as much of a liability as an asset if unforgiveness remains in the people of
God's kingdom. [Ibid., 1440–1441, “Kingdom Dynamics: Matt. 18:18–35, Forgiveness.”]
We've already looked at the words of Jesus on forgiveness, and He makes it clear that we have a responsibility
to forgive one another, if for no other reason that we will be forgiven by the Father. In light of the above “Kingdom
Dynamic,” answer the following questions:
How can unforgiveness “bind up” the unforgiven person?
How can it “bind up” you?
Name before the Lord any known areas of unforgiveness and related bondage. Ask Him to free you and grow your heart
to love and forgive the people who have hurt you.
At times, we have all looked at the issue of forgiveness and thought, Easier said than done. Other times
we've thought, But you don't know what they did. They hurt me so deeply. Sometimes forgiveness has come
easily, and at other times, feeling that we've fully forgiven someone has taken weeks. But the Lord never allows
us to use time, hurt, or difficulty as an excuse to avoid forgiving anyone. He calls us to keep our hearts free
and clear before Him. Our ultimate responsibility is between us and Him; and out of that responsibility flows our
responsibility to others. Thus, forgiveness becomes an act of faith. We forgive because we have been forgiven,
and because we believe that through forgiveness ultimate freedom will come.
Perhaps there are no more difficult and demanding relationships in which to maintain a free and forgiving atmosphere
than within our families. We're more likely to offend, wound, or become angry with those we spend the most time
with and are closest to—both relationally and physically. But forgiveness can work miracles in families!
Through the tragic story of Hosea and Gomer, God reveals both the depth and power 1) of His love for
Israel and 2) of the marriage bond. God describes His suffering the pain and humiliation of Israel's unfaithfulness;
and in obedience to God, Hosea suffers the same pain and humiliation of his own wife's unfaithfulness. But God
shows him how the marriage can be saved: through suffering and forgiveness.
This is one of the most profound revelations about marriage found anywhere in Scripture. Successful marriage
is not a business of perfect people living perfectly by perfect principles. Rather, marriage is a state in which
very imperfect people often hurt and humiliate one another, yet find the grace to extend forgiveness to one another,
and so allow the redemptive power of God to transform their marriage. [Ibid., 1260, “Kingdom Dynamics: Hosea 2:16,
17, 19, 20, Forgiveness Can Save and Transform a Marriage.”]
Can you think of a situation where a loving act of forgiveness cleared the air and brought healing to a relationship?
Was this situation preceded by emotional suffering such as Hosea experienced?
A lot is said in our society today to the effect that no one should ever have to stay in a relationship (such as
Hosea's) that inflicts any kind of emotional suffering. What do you think about that?
Do you think God experienced emotional suffering over our unforgiven state when we strayed from Him?
How should God's attitude toward us before we were forgiven affect our attitudes toward others who have hurt us?
It has been said that most teaching on family life is simply an application of what it means to live as a Christian.
Romans 15:5–7 is directed to the Christian community at large, yet they present a beautiful and fitting description
of Christian marriage.
The key word is “receive” (Greek proslambano), which means “to take to oneself.” Its root indicates strong
action toward us—that in Christ, God literally came to us and took hold of us “while we were still sinners”
(5:8). By that act of acceptance He released the grace of God and set in motion the powers of redemption.
When that power is allowed to work in a family, it will transform the lives of two imperfect people into one
life, lived to the praise of God's glory. Therefore, the Lord sets this word like a banner over marriage from the
first day until the last, “Receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.” [Ibid.,
1712, “Kingdom Dynamics: Rom. 15:5–7, Receiving One Another Is the Way to Oneness.”]
Oftentimes we would not even find the need for forgiving and of asking for forgiveness if we put a little more
time, energy, courtesy, and effort into maintaining good relationships with those closest to us. We sometimes take
advantage of the people we see most often, thinking that we can “let our hair down” with them and let them see
our “bad side.” I remember one particularly embarrassing moment with my husband when, in the middle of an argument,
I smarted off, “I don't have to be nice to you! You're my husband!” Unfortunately, that's exactly how many people
treat their families all the time. But as with all relationships, family relationships require some work on our
part!
Can you think of any situations where you could have avoided hurt feelings with members of your family if you
had used a little courtesy and wisdom?
What could you have done differently?
What would you think are the three most important things to remember in relating to our families in order to
avoid misunderstanding and injured feelings?
Probably what gets us into the most trouble is what we say!
Few sins exist that do not somehow involve the tongue. Righteous speech results from discipline and choice.
Too easily do we speak too much, too hastily, and too freely. Choosing to speak much less and more carefully will
result in less sinning.
Choose to speak only that which is righteous. Commit yourself to godly conversation. Do not grumble and complain
when in distress or trouble. Cry out to God. Trust that He will hear and answer. Guard carefully your speech. Know
that righteous speech carries with it the promise of long life. [Ibid., 790, “Truth-in-Action through Psalms (Book
One: Psalms 1–41),” #7.]
Proper speech is crucial to effective Christian living. Proverbs points out that life and death are in the power
of the tongue. How important it is for us to realize that our speech can be spiritually motivated.
Be careful how you speak and what you say. Reject evil attitudes; and develop compassionate, forgiving attitudes
toward others. Avoid and reject any impure or immoral speech or behavior. Be certain that it contradicts your profession
of faith in Christ. [Ibid., 1798, “Truth-in-Action through Ephesians,” #4.]
Bridle your tongue! Monitoring every word we speak may seem cumbersome at first, but it will serve to advance
righteousness. Speak well of others. Criticism, slander, backbiting, and gossip are “bitter waters,” which issue
out of demonic worldly wisdom. [Ibid., 1903, “Truth-in-Action through James,” #4.]
We all have areas of being tempted to say things we shouldn't. For some it's gossip; for others it's angry words.
What area of controlling your tongue do you have most trouble with?
Does this tend to be directed at members of your family or at others?
Have you prayed and given this area to the Lord? What has He told you to do?
List three ways that you could gain better control over the things you say.
Are there any people you need to ask forgiveness of? If yes, make a plan to take care of that within the next few
days or weeks.
Extending forgiveness or asking for forgiveness can also be a very sensitive maneuver. If we go to the person with
hurt or angry feelings, what is most likely to come out is our hurt or anger. Being able to set an environment
that allows forgiveness to flow freely is something only the Lord can achieve. And until we go to another person
only in the power, forgiveness, and freedom of the Holy Spirit, we will not be able to give or receive forgiveness
completely.
The story of Joseph is an early account of the forgiving nature God expects us to display in our treatment of
those who have wronged us. It is a founding example of Christlike love. Though Joseph's brothers sold him into
slavery and deceived his father into thinking him dead, when he confronted his brothers during their time of need,
his forgiveness and love burst forth from his heart. With uncanny faith in the overriding providence of God, he
even professed his belief that God had used his brothers' betrayal of him as a means to deliver his family during
the time of famine (v. 7). Joseph's forgiveness of his brothers' sin was so complete that he kissed all of them
and wept with joy at being united with them once again. Brotherly forgiveness is expressive, self-giving, and offered
in a way that assists its being received. [Ibid., 71, “Kingdom Dynamics: Gen. 45:4, Love Embraces Those Who Have
Wronged Us.”]
You have made your plan to go and ask forgiveness of another person. Now is the time to ask the Lord exactly
when you are to go, what you are to say, and to fill your heart with true repentance and the other person's heart
with openness to receive what you have to say. Stop and ask the Lord to begin that work right now.
Finally, in maintaining relationships, we must realize that we never have the right to withhold forgiveness
from another. Our heavenly Father never does that to us, and He calls His children continually to grow in becoming
like Him.
These words are basic, yet their impact is intended to be life-changing at both points: 1) in our receiving
God's love and merciful forgiveness and 2) in our giving it just as we have received it. Two virtues—goodness
and forgiveness—are attributes birthed by our heavenly Father and expected to be found in our own lives. He expects
us to be like Him—to stand ready to forgive our brother's transgressions in the same abundance of mercy He shows.
“Abundant” is from the Hebrew rab, meaning “aboundingly, exceedingly.” God does not want us to portion out
our mercy and forgiveness with teaspoons. He is looking for people who portion out their forgiveness and mercy
with huge, unlimiting shovels. [Ibid., 827, “Kingdom Dynamics: Ps. 86:5, Abundantly Forgiven, Abundantly Forgive.”]
From The Spirit-Filled Family: Holy Wisdom to Build Happy
Homes by Jack W. Hayford with Rebecca Hayford Bauer. Copyright 1994 by Jack W. Hayford.
