Families Filled with Love
Love is the foundation, the motivation, and the fundamental principle behind everything that has to do with
the kingdom of God. “For God so loved the world,” Jesus declared. “The greatest of these is love,” the apostle
wrote. “They will know you are Mine, if you love one another,” our Savior further announced.
This is no less true in our families. In fact, in a turbulent culture filled with divorce, violence, abuse,
drugs, lawlessness, and disorder, the impact of God's love in our homes becomes indispensable if we are going to
order our homes after God's commands.
John 15:12, 13 summarizes the entire duty and direction of the disciple of Jesus. The direct simplicity of this
statement establishes the priority and the pathway we are to pursue. 1) Our priority is to love one another. 2)
Our pathway is to love as Christ loved us, “laying down His life.” Who can measure this love? Christ gave up the
comforts, joys, and adoration of heaven to be sullied by the soil of Earth and to carry the sins of sinners. His
bearing of agonizing pain through beatings, nails in His hands, the spear in His side, the thorns on His head,
all exemplify the measure of His love. We find His love, but we also see His manner of loving and are called to
bear with others' sins, with inflicted pain, with stabbing, cruel remarks and treatment. Impossible? Yes, to human
nature; but as new temples of the Holy Spirit, who has poured out the love of God into our hearts, we can ask for
and receive the grace and guidance to love as Jesus loved. [Spirit-Filled Life Bible (Nashville, TN: Thomas
Nelson Publishers, 1991), 1604, “Kingdom Dynamics: John 15:12, 13, The Priority and Pathway of Brotherly Love.”]
Look up these foundational verses about God's love in our lives and write down how they are to impact our family
life.
John 14:23
Rom. 8:35
Rom. 12:10
Word Wealth
Brotherly love, philadelphia (Strong's #5360): From phileo, “to love,” and adelphos,
“brother.” The word denotes the love of brothers, fraternal affection. In the New Testament it describes the
love Christians have for other Christians. [Ibid., 1889, “Word Wealth: 13:1 brotherly love.”]
Love, phileo (Strong's #5368) literally means to be fond of, care for affectionately, cherish,
take pleasure in, have personal attachment for. In John 21:15–19, Jesus asked Peter twice if he had agape love.
Peter answered with phileo, which at that moment was all he had to give. Later, when the Holy Spirit imparted
to him the fuller understanding of agape love, Peter used the agape/agapao words nine times
in his writings. [Ibid., 1615, “Word Wealth: 21:15 love.”]
Rom. 13:8
Gal. 5:13, 14
Phil. 1:9
Col. 2:2
1 Thess. 4:9
Write down three ways that God teaches us to love one another.
1 John 3:16
1 John 3:18
Word Wealth
Love, agape (Strong's #26): A word to which Christianity gave new meaning. Outside of the
New Testament, it rarely occurs in existing Greek manuscripts of the period. Agape denotes an undefeatable
benevolence and unconquerable goodwill that always seeks the highest good of the other person, no matter what he
does. It is the self-giving love that gives freely without asking anything in return, and does not consider the
worth of its object. Agape is more a love by choice than philos, which is love by chance; and it
refers to the will rather than the emotion. Agape describes the unconditional love God has for the world.
[Ibid., 1694, “Word Wealth: 5:5 love.”]
Thus we see that while God's love is foundational in our homes, it is also based on our will. The media have
made it acceptable for couples being married to intone the superficial words, “For as long as we both shall love,”
assuming that “love” is merely a passing emotion. “As long as it lasts—great! But as soon as it's gone, I'm out
the door looking for bigger and better game.” There is little recognition that true love—God's kind of love—steps
beyond passion to commitment and confidence that we can live out God's will together.
Love is a choice! Thus God commands us to love. Look up the following verses and write down who and what
God commands us to love.
Lev. 19:18
Lev. 19:34
Deut. 6:5
Ps. 119:97
Prov. 4:5, 6
Amos 5:15
Mic. 6:8
Zech. 8:17, 19
Matt. 5:44
John 13:34
Eph. 5:25
2 Tim. 4:8
Titus 2:4
1 Pet. 1:7, 8
What or how are we commanded not to love?
Prov. 20:13
1 Tim. 6:10
1 John 2:15
1 John 3:18
That Christ would command us to love indicates that love is not just a feeling or a preference; it is what one
does and how he relates to others—a decision, a commitment, or a way of behaving. Jesus states that the world will
know that we are His disciples if we behave lovingly toward one another. Schisms, disputes, unkind criticisms,
and defamation of character are contrary to the spirit of Christ. His love was sacrificial. It was unconditional
love. His love is constant and self-sustaining. His love provides for the best interests of the beloved, and He
commands that we should love one another as He has loved us. [Ibid., 1601, “Kingdom Dynamics: John 13:34, 35, Love—The
Testing of Discipleship.”]
Look at the following verses to see how unconditional love was lived out in the life of Jesus; then answer the
questions that follow.
Matt. 9:36
Matt. 19:13, 14
Mark 2:16, 17
Luke 4:40
Luke 22:42
John 8:10, 11
John 11:35, 36
From these few examples, we see that Jesus' love was uncompromising without being judgmental, willing to relinquish
comfort and convenience for the sake of others, always accepting and available. What areas in your family life
need to be affected by this kind of selfless love?
How can the examples above from the life of Jesus teach you how to show more love to those in your family?
Can you think of any other examples from Jesus' life that would apply to your situation? Write them down.
Knowing your personality, what will be the greatest drawback to seeing these changes come about?
Before you present these things to the Lord, look up Matthew 7:7, 8 and write it down.
What does the Lord say He will do for anyone who asks? Now present your situation to the Lord, believing that He
will strengthen and equip you to show His love in your home.
In 1 John, we are given steps to sharing the love of God. God revealed Himself to us through Jesus Christ, that
we might have the light of life within by the presence of the Holy Spirit. Our mission is to let the light abide
within us and shine forth to the glory of God. This produces light in the lives of others, extending the fellowship
of God. Love for others is the sure sign that God lives in us and that we are in the fellowship of His love.
Be full of joy. Have fellowship with God and his people (1 John 1:3, 4). Let God's Word live in you, so that
you can live in God. Have eternal life! (2:24, 25). Understand that righteousness manifests itself in righteous
behavior. Practice righteousness. Love your brother (3:7–15). Understand that fear shows an absence of love. Know
that Christ's presence always results in love (4:7–19). [Ibid., 1935, “Truth-in-Action through 1 John,” #1. ]
Look up the following verses and write down how God's presence and His love are coupled together in our lives.
John 15:9
Rom. 5:8
1 Cor. 16:23, 24
Gal. 5:22
Eph. 3:19
Eph. 5:2
2 Thess. 3:5
1 Tim. 1:14
1 John 4:7
God's presence in our lives is a prerequisite to having His love, and the closer we come to Him, the closer
we get and the more loving we can be to those around us. Yet Psalm 15 teaches us that the converse is also true:
to draw closer to God, we must love others.
In Psalm 15, David is asking God the necessary qualifications to abide in His tabernacle (v. 1). God's reply
emphasizes that to “abide” in God's presence and purpose first requires a will to exhibit a strong relationship
with others. To expect to have a strong relationship with God, determine to conduct life in right relationship
with others! God tells David 1) to speak kindly of his neighbors; 2) never to gossip or say anything to destroy
another's reputation; 3) to do nothing to hurt another person in any way. 4) Finally, God warns David not
to “reproach” his neighbor. “Reproach” (Hebrew cherpah) means “blame, discredit, disgrace, or shame.” If
the Old Testament teaches that one desiring to get closer to God must prioritize love toward others, the New Testament
commandment “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Rom. 13:9) is surely vital to our relationship with the heavenly
Father today. [Ibid., 763, “Kingdom Dynamics: Ps. 15:3, To Get Closer to God, Love Others.”]
Look at items one through four in the Kingdom Extra above. Write down how each of these can be applied within
your family relationships.
1. Speak kindly
2. Don't spread rumors
3. Don't inflict hurt of any kind
4. Don't accuse, embarrass, discount, or disgrace
First Corinthians gives us an even more detailed list of what the actions and responses of love are to be. Turn
to 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 and write down the sixteen actions of love that Paul lists and what they mean. Example:
“believes all things” (v. 7); Love always believes the best.
Explain in your own words the meaning of verses 1–3, and the necessity of having a loving attitude behind our
actions.
Verses 9–12 explain to us that we live in an imperfect age where the things of God are revealed to us only in
part. But when we enter eternity, we will see clearly and know completely. What are the three virtues that the
Lord has given us to navigate our time here on Earth? (See v. 13.)
What is the greatest of these? Why do you think it is the greatest?
The virtues of faith, hope, and love are necessary in this age; but in the age to come, faith will give way
to sight (2 Cor. 5:7), and hope will turn into experience (Rom. 8:24). Love alone is eternal, for God is love (1
John 4:8). [Ibid., 1740, note on 1 Cor. 13:13.]
The fact that God is love becomes a kingdom principle that is at the heart of all our relationships.
Jesus Christ gave a law that is so profound it should be adopted by every society. It is the law of reciprocity.
I use the term “law” because it is a universal principle: “Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them”
(Matt. 7:12). How profound an effect this “Golden Rule” would have if applied at every level in our world!
You would not want a neighbor to steal your tools, so do not take his. You would not like to be struck by a
reckless driver, so do not drive recklessly. You would want a helping hand in time of need, so help others in need.
In industry, we would not want the person upstream from us polluting the river, so we should not do it to the person
downstream from us. We would not want to breathe chemically polluted air, so we should not pollute someone else's
air. In the workplace, we would not want to be oppressed, so we should not oppress our employees. If applied, this
kingdom law would remove the need for armies, jails, and prisons; problems would be relieved, the burden of government
reduced and the productive energies of all the people released. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto
you,” if put into practice, would revolutionize our society. This is the kingdom foundation for all social relationships.
[Ibid., 2008, “Spiritual Answers to Hard Questions, #33.”]
Look up the following verses to see what the Lord promises to do in our relationships—even in our relationship
to Him!
Mal. 4:6
John 13:35
Rom. 8:15
Rom. 12:9
Gal. 4:6
Jude 20, 21
Now turn to 2 Peter 1:5–8 to see the steps we must take to see love birthed in our lives. Fill in the flow chart
below to see how we progress and grow in the things of the Lord.
Begin with:
add to that:
add to that:
add to that:
add to that:
add to that:
add to that:
the final result will be:
Peter gives us a progressive list of Christian virtues that, when established in our lives, will cause us to
be fruitful in the very knowledge of God. The life that comes from the knowledge of God can produce only good in
its response to others. To fail to grow in Christ results in an inability to perceive the blessings received in
initial salvation so that our identification with Jesus is forgotten or ignored.
Recognize that an effective and productive life results from sanctification (character transformation)
that begins with faith and results in love. [Ibid., 1923, “Truth-in-Action through 2 Peter,” #2.]
From The Spirit-Filled Family: Holy Wisdom to Build Happy Homes by Jack W. Hayford with Rebecca Hayford Bauer. Copyright 1994 by Jack W. Hayford.
