• Emotions are good.
• Emotions are our friends.
• Emotions are a sign of strength.
• Emotions are to be encouraged.
How many times do you hear statements such as these? Probably not often. In most cases when emotions are discussed,
they are couched in disparaging terms. They are regarded as something to be avoided or squelched.
In this lesson we're going to look at some of the false notions about emotions and what God's Word says about
emotional health.
Clearing Up the Errors About Emotions
People seem to have five erroneous ideas about emotions:
1. “I'm just not an emotional person.” Men usually make this statement. The person really means, “I don't
express my emotions freely, properly, or in a healthy way.” The person is missing out on a great deal of enjoyment
in life. The fact is, every person is an emotional person. Each person is born with a capacity for having
emotions and expressing them. Babies cry; they smile; they respond to pleasure and pain; they become angry, show
fear, and cuddle in response to love.
Proper Expression
Proper expression of emotions refers to the match between an emotion and a behavior. It's proper to show grief
by crying. It may also be proper to show anger or happiness by crying. Conversely, it is not proper to show grief
by laughing. Some people have never learned the proper way to express their emotional response to life's events,
and because they are unsure of themselves, they deny themselves any expression of emotions.
Appropriate Expression
Appropriate expression of emotions refers to the context in which an emotion is expressed. At some times and
places it may be inappropriate to express certain emotions. For example, dissolving into a puddle of tears before
your boss or your employees may seem inappropriate to you. Your decision not to express emotion at certain times
or places, or in the presence of certain people, is not a denial of emotions, but an example of controlling your
emotions until you can express them fully in an appropriate setting or in the presence of people with whom you
feel comfortable.
Jesus was an emotional person. The Bible offers numerous examples of His expressing emotions. The actions of
Jesus in the gospel accounts show that He felt sorrow and grief, loneliness (or aloneness), frustration and anger,
love and concern (compassion), and many more feelings along the full spectrum of emotions. Jesus knows what we
feel because He has felt what we feel.
Consider the verses below in the light of proper response and appropriate behavior.
What the Word Says
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled.
And He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. Then the Jews said,
“See how He loved him!” (John 11:33–36).
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
He was withdrawn from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and prayed, saying, “Father, if it is Your
will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” Then an angel appeared to Him
from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great
drops of blood falling down to the ground (Luke 22:41–44).
What the Word Says to Me
We are all weak at times. Even people who may appear generally weak to us sometimes are very strong in certain
situations. In my opinion, it is a strong person who expresses emotions—and also a healthy person. It is a weak
person who represses emotions. A person with extremely low self-esteem often has difficulty expressing emotions.
It is not weak to cry in the privacy of your own room after a loved one has died, betrayed you, or abandoned
you. It is not weak to admit to others that you have been angry, disappointed, frustrated, or lonely on occasion.
It is not weak to tell your child that you love her and to do so with a hug.
The Scriptures tell us that Jesus “rejoiced in the Spirit” (Luke 10:21) when He heard the good report from the
seventy disciples He had sent out to preach the gospel. Jesus was willing to show others that He was happy! I know
people who don't show others they are pleased or happy about something out of fear that someone may take advantage
of them. Jesus never had that attitude. His rejoicing was not weakness; it was a spontaneous emotional response
to good news.
3. “Emotions are enemies.” People who say this usually have been betrayed by their emotions at times
when they failed to control their emotions or when they expressed their emotions inappropriately. Our emotions
are assets when they are controlled.
• Have you had experiences in which you
were manipulated by the emotions of others?
equated emotions with weakness?
failed to control your emotions and experienced detriment or a loss as a result?
• In each instance, how did you feel as a result?
4. “Emotions are unrelated to the human spirit.” Perhaps nothing could be farther from the truth. Our
emotions are closely linked with our spiritual development. We have both opinions about God and feelings toward
God, and the feelings we have toward God are often much more basic and long-standing in our lives than our opinions.
In fact, our opinions about God are often based on our feelings!
I tend to hear this statement when people have sought out a counselor to help them deal with a problem in their
lives, often a problem involving deep-seated feelings. They think it is acceptable to seek out any trained professional
counselor to help them with their emotional problems, regardless of the counselor's faith in Jesus Christ or the
counselor's desire to help others from a Christian perspective.
If you are seeking counseling for any problem in your life, find a Christian counselor. Every area of your life
is linked to your spirit and to your faith, especially the areas with a strong emotional component. The more feelings
associated with a problem, or the greater your depth of feeling about an issue, person, or problem, the greater
your need for a Christian counselor.
5. “The best approach to emotions is to let them all out.” This approach may make the person feel better,
but this is not the wisdom of God. We do not live unto ourselves. We are responsible for the way we behave toward
others and in the presence of others.
Again, we come back to appropriateness. Sometimes certain emotions should not be expressed in the presence
of certain people or under certain conditions. Learning when to let your emotions out, and when to hold them in
until you are by yourself or in a different setting, is a vital part of learning how to control your emotions.
The person who lets them all out is egocentric and uncaring.
• Have you had any experiences with people who let all their emotions out to their detriment or to the detriment
of a relationship or another person?
God's Picture of Emotional Health
Jesus is our role model in expressing emotions appropriately. He had perfect emotional health.
Jesus clearly displayed four basic tenets of emotional health:
1. Rely on God. Jesus placed His trust squarely in the Father. He didn't rely on the religious structure
of the day, the world's systems, or anything else to help Him accomplish His purpose in life. He relied on His
heavenly Father for everything He needed.
Rely on the Lord for your health, protection, daily provision, purpose in life, ability and capability, strength,
courage, and wisdom. With Him, all things are possible.
To feel emotionally secure and healthy, you must place your total trust in God and believe that He will take
care of you, protect you, and love you regardless of what anyone else says or does to you.
The emotionally healthy person may be alone and experience temporary loneliness, but ultimately, such a person
knows that God is present always and that there is no greater Friend than Jesus.
What the Word Says
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13).
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24).
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
[Jesus said,] “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do;
for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner” (John 5:19).
What the Word Says to Me
• In what ways do you feel challenged to trust God more, especially regarding your emotional responses to
life?
2. Give generously to others. Jesus never withheld a miracle from anyone who asked Him for one. He freely
preached the good news to all who were willing to hear. He was willing to risk pain and harm, even rejection and
death, to make Himself available to all.
The person with healthy emotions is willing to risk love. The emotionally healthy person openly expresses care,
concern, and compassion.
The emotion of love is always manifested in some form of giving. The emotionally healthy person loves generously
and, therefore, gives generously in as many ways as possible, to as many people as possible, as often as possible.
What the Word Says
[Jesus said,] “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and
you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running
over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you” (Luke
6:37–38).
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he
has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God
must love his brother also (1 John 4:20–21).
What the Word Says to Me
• In what ways do you feel challenged to give more freely of yourself to others?
3. Continually ask for the Holy Spirit's guidance. Everything that Jesus did was revealed to Him by the
Father. Today, we must ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the Father's will to us.
The emotionally healthy person may feel anger, for example, but in asking the Holy Spirit for guidance in how
to channel that anger into positive behavior, the person is going to find an outlet for anger that results in blessing,
not harm. The emotionally healthy person may feel disappointment or discouragement, but in asking the Holy Spirit
for guidance in what to do to relieve the feelings, the person is going to be led to new opportunities or new relationships
that will result in hope.
Continual reliance on the Holy Spirit takes the form of continual prayer. To pray is to talk to God, and you
are wise to talk to God around the clock, every day of the week. (See 1 Thess. 5:17.)
What the Word Says
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths (Prov. 3:5–6).
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
[Jesus said,] “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without
Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
What the Word Says to Me
• In what ways do you feel challenged to rely on guidance from the Holy Spirit, especially regarding your
emotional response to situations that arise daily?
4. Recognize the true spiritual enemy. Jesus had numerous confrontations with people who denied His divinity,
questioned His authority, and attempted to undermine His teachings and miracles. But Jesus always recognized that
His true enemy was Satan.
We have countless experiences in which we feel negative emotions—hurt, anger, frustration, disappointment, worry,
discouragement. Our first response is usually to try to even the score with the person who has hurt us. Ultimately,
our battle is not with the person, but with the true enemy of our souls, the devil.
The emotionally healthy person does not seek revenge or retaliation against others, but resorts to prayer, to
giving, and to blessing.
What the Word Says
[Jesus said,] “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may
have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).
What the Word Says to Me
What the Word Says
Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil (Eph. 6:11).
What the Word Says to Me
• In what ways do you feel challenged to confront the one who desires to keep you in bondage to damaging
emotions?
A Desire for Wholeness
Are you willing to turn away from all repressing, drifting, or seeking deliverance from emotions, and seek instead
to control your emotions? Do you desire to base your emotional health on the same principles reflected in the life
of Jesus Christ?
The first step toward emotional wholeness is to make a decision with your will that you desire to pursue emotional
health and strength, and that you desire for your emotional life to be in harmony with your spiritual life—a whole
life founded on Christ Jesus.
• What new insights do you have regarding your emotions?
From Becoming Emotionally Whole: Overcome Negative Emotions and
Become Happier and Healthier by Charles Stanley. Copyright 1996 by Charles Stanley.
