The Way of Family Discipline
In the last chapter, we saw our responsibility to raise our children in the ways of the Lord. In this chapter
we will be looking at our responsibility as parents to discipline our children.
Here again the world's view is drastically different from God's. While the world claims that indulgence and
so-called “freedom” are the way to raise children, God warns of dire consequences if we do not rule within His
laws and provide our children with uncompromising boundaries. He further teaches us that when these boundaries
are crossed, we as parents are required to exercise firm discipline accompanied by punishment when appropriate.
Discipline is the other side of teaching. A child with a teachable spirit will still need thorough explanation,
much patience, opportunity to try and experiment, including the right to fail and to learn by failure. A child,
however, who is caught up in willful disobedience (Prov. 29:15), rebellion (1 Sam. 15:23), or stubborn foolishness
(Prov. 22:15), closes off effective teaching and disrupts the harmony of the family. God's answer to this is firm
and loving discipline.
The Bible makes a clear distinction between discipline and physical abuse. Discipline may be painful but not
injurious. We are never to inflict harm on a child (Prov. 23:13), but at times pain may be a part of effective
correction. God describes Himself as a strict disciplinarian. Although He always disciplines us out of love and
for our own benefit, His correction may cause us pain (Heb. 12:5–11). Likewise, God requires that parents properly
correct their children. Even a child's eternal destiny can hinge upon the godly discipline provided by parents
(Prov. 23:14). [Spirit-Filled Life Bible (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1991), 901, “Kingdom
Dynamics: Prov. 13:24, Corrective Discipline for the Rebellious.”]
Look up the following verses and respond as directed. Write down the different ways the Lord directs us to discipline
our children.
Deut. 8:5, 6
Prov. 3:11, 12
Rev. 3:19
What is God's purpose in chastening His people? How does discipline reinforce our love for our children?
Ps. 94:12
What place does teaching have in disciplining our children?
Jer. 10:24
Justice carries with it the idea of fairness, equity, and truth. How are these principles supposed to guide
how we discipline?
1 Cor. 4:14
Rom. 15:14
Define “admonish.” Where does this fit into your concept of discipline?
Eph. 6:4
The world understands corporal discipline only from the standpoint of someone functioning in uncontrolled rage.
Explain how in the Lord, we can discipline and punish our children without acting in anger ourselves or driving
our children to anger in response.
List the three different types of people described in 1 Thessalonians 5:14. Can children fall into any or all
of these three categories? Does Scripture recommend the same type of discipline for each? What does this teach
us about how we deal with our children?
Explain the wisdom of the Lord's directive that we discipline promptly.
Prov. 10:13
Prov. 13:24
Prov. 19:18
Prov. 22:15
Prov. 23:13, 14
Beat him with a rod means to spank a child with one's hand or an instrument of sufficient strength so
as to cause pain but not injury. The Bible teaches that spanking is to stem from an attitude of love and patience
(Heb. 12:3–6), is necessary because of Adamic foolishness in children (Prov. 22:15), can come too late in a child's
life to be effective (19:18), and is a necessary part of nurturing spiritual development (v. 14). [Ibid., pg. 913,
note on 23:13, 14.]
Prov. 29:15
List three ways that corporal discipline would instill wisdom in a child.
Consequences of Not Requiring Discipline
Scripture gives warning that awful consequences will come of refusing to administer proper discipline. Refusing
to administer proper discipline can come about in a number of ways:
1. We can do nothing—ignoring the violation.
2. We can overreact—dispensing a punishment that doesn't fit the offense.
3. We can underreact—teaching our children that they can “get off easy.”
4. We can threaten—undermining the authority of our words in our children's lives.
5. We can excuse—explaining away wrong behavior.
6. We can punish without proper explanation—creating fear and confusion.
In all of these instances, children learn to despise discipline, to pay no attention to it, to treat it as a
dispensable part of their lives and to hold in contempt any authority who would attempt to administer righteous
correction. This gives place to attitudes in their lives of rebellion, disrespect, and foolishness. Scripture gives
us several instances where correction was either not applied or was out-and-out rejected. Look up these verses
to write down the consequences of allowing our children to despise discipline.
1 Sam. 3:13
1 Sam. 8:3
1 Kin. 1:6
Jer. 5:3
Zeph. 3:7
The prophetic books of the Old Testament are a recounting of what was to happen to Israel, the Lord's child,
as a result of their rebellion. Their repeated refusal to respond to gentle discipline brought a much harsher punishment
upon them. In the manner He dealt with His people, Israel, the Lord has shown us there are levels of discipline.
Read Hebrews 12:5–13 and write down the different words used for discipline. According to this passage, what
do you think is the purpose of discipline?
Compare this passage to Proverbs 3:11, 12. Are there any different words used for discipline here?
From these texts, we can see that there are different types of discipline. One type is simple instruction of
a child. Another kind is a verbal rebuke, a caution or warning. Finally there is a place for physical discipline
for a child who persists in disobedience after instruction and rebuke have taken place.
At this point our beliefs and the application of them widely diverge from the world. Here we must take a look
at how we physically discipline our children. As we've already seen, God does not “spank” us for everything, and
neither should we spank for every infraction. Less serious violations can be dealt with “physically” in a variety
of ways. “Time out” in the corner, having a privilege taken away, or being assigned extra chores are other ways
of physically dealing with a situation (since these punishments can't rightly be called instruction or rebuke),
without having to resort to spanking for everything. While there is a place for spanking, it weakens in impact
if we use it for everything.
Let this not sound as though the “application of the rod” is being discouraged. Scripture also makes clear that
spanking is an act of obedience, faith, and trust on our part. We obey God's Word, we believe His promises, and
we trust that He will work in our children, bringing wisdom and deliverance to their lives.
Look up, copy, and memorize Proverbs 23:14.
How have you dealt with physical discipline in your home?
Do you feel that you've spanked too much or too little?
How can you remedy that situation?
What are some ways you can apply physical discipline besides spanking?
Look up the following verses to see what are the results of our obedience.
Deut. 5:29
Job 36:11
Prov. 15:20
Prov. 23:24
Heb 12:11
James 1:25
Read Deuteronomy 7:12–26 and 28:1–14 and list all of the ways the Lord wants to bless those who serve Him and
raise their children to follow His ways.
From The Spirit-Filled Family: Holy Wisdom to Build Happy Homes by Jack W. Hayford with Rebecca Hayford Bauer. Copyright 1994 by Jack W. Hayford.
