The Covenant of Marriage—Part 2
“But I thought it would solve my problems …” These heartbreaking words have been heard by pastors, counselors,
friends, and family countless numbers of times. The divorce was supposed to answer the critical issue of a broken
relationship between two partners who had “grown apart” and now face “irreconcilable differences.” But the reality
is that after the divorce the personal issues that broke the marriage still reside with each partner. Divorce may
offer relief from a partner, but it is of no value in dealing with the personal needs an individual takes with
him/her after the fact.
What does God say about divorce among the people of God? How do the realities of a world fouled by sin influence
the church's stand on the issue of family and divorce? These complex matters have usually been dealt with by the
church with either a legalistic rejection of the idea of divorce and divorced people, or with a casual indifference
to the sacredness of marriage and the “cheap grace” which sanctions sin and its death-dealing results in families.
Read Malachi 2:10–17.
What was the “covenant of the fathers,” verse 16?
God's concern for the stability of the family unit in Israel is marked by specific guidelines given for the
selection of a spouse in Deuteronomy 7:1–4. What was God's concern in this passage?
How does 2 Corinthians 6:14 relate to the issue of selecting a mate according to the apostle Paul?
Read Ezra 9–10.
Compare the Ezra and Malachi passages. Note significant similarities and differences.
The covenant relationship of marriage is highly esteemed by the Spirit of God. He instructs believers to seek
a believing partner to ensure holiness in the marriage. He also requires just and faithful behavior within the
marriage bonds. God hates the hard-hearted attitudes that destroy this sacred covenant and produce divorce.
Obey God; marry only in the Lord. Be loving and faithful to your marriage partner. Reject divorce as an answer
to marital problems. Honor your covenant with God. Trust Him to recover the hope in a seemingly “hopeless” marriage.
Be willing to relearn love, understanding, and forgiveness. [Spirit-Filled Life Bible (Nashville, TN: Thomas
Nelson Publishers, 1991), 1389, “Truth-in-Action through Malachi,” #2.]
Malachi 2 continues with strong words concerning divorce. Why does God say that He “hates divorce” in verse
16?
Who is the “witness” to the domestic problems of married couples, verse 14?
Who sanctifies the union between husband and wife, making them one, verse 15?
What does God “seek” in a marriage union, and what impact does divorce have on this desire (v. 15)?
The conventional wisdom of the psychological community declares that couples should not sacrifice their own
individual happiness by staying together for the sake of the children. It is presumed that those who are unhappy
with their marriage partners will be ineffective parents. Do you think this is true? Why or why not?
What two words does God use to describe the act of divorce in verse 16?
Malachi writes about the “covenant” of marriage in verse 14. Where does the concept of a marriage covenant begin
in Scripture? (See Genesis 1:26–28; 2:18–24.)
Verse 15 implies that the Lord views Himself as an active participant in this covenant as well. Describe what
you understand to be the Lord's place in a marriage and how divorce can violate our marriage covenant before Him.
Turn to Jeremiah 11:10, 11. Describe what the prophet says about God's view toward the breaking of covenant.
When two people marry, God stands as a witness to the marriage, sealing it with the strongest possible word:
covenant. “Covenant” speaks of faithfulness and enduring commitment. It stands like a divine sentinel over
marriage, for blessing or for judgment.
Divorce is here described as violence. To initiate divorce does violence to God's intention for marriage
and to the mate to whom one has been joined.
Yet, where husband and wife live according to their marriage vows, all the power of a covenant-keeping God stands
behind them and their marriage. What a confidence, to know that God backs up our marriage. His power and
authority stand against every enemy that would violently threaten it from without or within. [Ibid., 1385, “Kingdom
Dynamics: Malachi 2:14, 15, 16, God Backs Up the Covenant of Marriage.”]
Malachi declares that there are important consequences in our relationship with God because of divorce. What
are they? (See Mal. 2:13, 17.)
Since God is so vitally interested in the success of marriages and the blessing of His people, what might be
alternatives to divorce for people who are severely stressed in their marriage relationship?
Do you think that all of your above suggestions line up with the standards the Lord lays down for us?
How would the fact that God backs up the marriage covenant affect any of those actions?
Jesus and the Matter of Divorce
The matter of divorce and the people of God was raging during the days of Jesus' ministry. The Old Testament
teachings on divorce had been liberally applied by certain schools of rabbinic teaching. Shammai was a rabbi who
taught that divorce could only be obtained if adultery were the cause. Hillel taught that divorce could be sought
and received “for just any reason” even if it was as arbitrary as personal dislike of your wife. [Ibid., 1441,
note on Matthew 19:3.]
As a result of those attitudes toward the family, divorce had become increasingly fashionable in Israel during
Jesus' time. Turn to Matthew 19:3–10. Who asked Jesus the question concerning divorce in verse 3?
What was the motive behind the question as recorded by Matthew in verse 3?
Do you think the questioner was sincerely seeking Jesus' opinion on divorce? Why or why not?
In verse 6, Jesus makes three profound statements concerning the institution of marriage. What are they?
Why is God so interested that married couples remain married?
From your understanding of verses 3–6, do you think Jesus approves of the concept of divorce?
Why does Jesus say, in verse 8, that Moses allowed for divorce?
In Matthew 19, Jesus frankly addresses a pivotal issue: the cause of divorce is hardness of heart. Behind
every broken marriage is a heart hardened against God, then hardened against one's mate. From the very beginning,
God's intention for marriage was that it be for life. Realizing this, believers should exercise care in choosing
a life mate (see 2 Cor. 6:14). Yet no marriage will be so free of differences and difficulties that it could not
end up in divorce if husband and wife were deceived into following their natural inclinations.
The devil will exaggerate your mate's failures and inadequacies, sow suspicion and jealousy, indulge your self-pity,
insist that you deserve something better, and hold out the hollow promise that things would be better with someone
else. But hear Jesus' words, and remember: God can change hearts and remove all hardness if we will allow Him.
[Ibid., 1441, “Kingdom Dynamics: Matt. 19:1–9, Divorce Is a Case of a Heart Hardened Toward God.”]
Did Jesus contradict Moses in his teaching on divorce in Matthew 19:8, 9?
Read Leviticus 20:10. Why was the Old Testament punishment for adultery so severe?
How did Jesus respond to the woman who was taken in adultery in John 8:1–12?
Since the “woman was caught in adultery, in the very act,” why was her partner not brought to Jesus as well?
What does Jesus mean by the phrase “but from the beginning it was not so” in Matthew 19:8?
In verse 10, the disciples exhibit an interesting response to Jesus' words about divorce. Could it be that the
cynical and worldly attitudes toward marriage found in our world today were common in Jesus' day, too?
What affect do these cynical attitudes have on the institution of marriage in our culture today?
To what degree has the influence of the worldly perspective on marriage and family had an impact on believers in
the church today?
Hosea the Prophet on Divorce
God illustrated His commitment to unfaithful Israel in the life and ministry of Hosea the prophet. Hosea, whose
name means “Salvation” or “Deliverance,” was chosen by God to live out His message to His people by marrying a
woman who would be unfaithful to him. [Ibid., 1256, “Introduction to Hosea: Author.”] The first three chapters
of the book offer perspective on the graciousness of God in the midst of seemingly impossible circumstances.
Read Hosea 1–3. What is the sin of Gomer in Hosea 2:2?
What does God do to attempt to stop Israel's unfaithfulness in 2:6?
Is this a good strategy for any marriage partner in this situation? Why or why not?
What is Israel's motivation for returning to the Lord in 2:7?
What are the conditions for return to a relationship with the Lord in 2:9–13?
God is not interested in punishing Israel. The Lord desires to reestablish a relationship. How does 2:14–16
demonstrate this?
What are God's instructions to Hosea concerning his wife in 3:1?
What conditions for return does Hosea place on Gomer in 3:3?
Probing the Depths
This chart shows the commitment of God to Israel as it is described in terms of a troubled marriage.
ISRAEL'S APOSTASY AND HOSEA'S MARRIAGE (3:1) [Ibid., 1261, Chart: “Israel's Apostasy and
Hosea's Marriage.”]
The stages of Israel's relationship with God are depicted in the prophecies of Jeremiah and Ezekiel, as well
as in Hosea's relationship with Gomer.
Stage: Betrothal
Israel's Prophets: Jeremiah 2:2
Hosea's Marriage: Hosea 1:2
Stage: Marriage
Israel's Prophets: Ezekiel 16:8–14
Hosea's Marriage: Hosea 1:3
Stage: Adultery
Israel's Prophets: Jeremiah 5:7; Ezekiel 16:15–34
Hosea's Marriage: Hosea 3:1
Stage: Estrangement
Israel's Prophets: Jeremiah 3:8–10; Ezekiel 16:35–52
Hosea's Marriage: Hosea 3:3,4
Stage: Restoration
Israel's Prophets: Ezekiel 16:53–63
Hosea's Marriage: Hosea 3:5
The Apostle Paul on Divorce
Read 1 Corinthians 7:10–16. Does the apostle Paul have different regulations concerning divorce for men as compared
to those for women?
What does the Apostle Paul say about separation as an answer for marital problems in verse 10?
According to verse 11, what are the two options for a person who has deliberately left their spouse in separation?
What instructions do verses 11 and 12 give to husbands?
What instructions do verses 10 and 13 give to wives?
Does God require more from believers in a marriage relationship than He does from unbelievers?
List some of the reasons this is true?
In verse 14 the believing spouse has a radical impact on the state of the children. What is it?
What is required of a believing spouse if they should be abandoned by an unbelieving mate?
Though God does not require an abandoned mate to wait for the return of a wayward, unbelieving spouse, many
have prayed and waited for the return of a spouse only to see the miracle of 1 Corinthians 7:16 or 1 Peter 3:1
happen. The salvation of that partner and reconciliation in the marriage hinges on the unrelenting love and faithfulness
which God places in the heart of the rejected spouse.
Such selflessness is only possible as a person draws on the day-to-day strength of the Holy Spirit who urges
that mate forward in the struggle of faith. However, there are God-ordained limits to such pursuit of a wayward
partner. Deuteronomy 24:4 clearly states that when a partner has remarried another person, God no longer supports
the notion of reconciliation with the original spouse. The new married unit, regardless of its history, is to be
maintained. Repentance and forgiveness are to be found within the context of the Lord's redemptive grace within
the new relationship.
Probing the Depths
The issue of divorce and “abandonment” as taught in 1 Corinthians 7:10–16 offers clear guidelines for the believer:
do not divorce. However, the circumstances of some marriages may place a partner in serious, and at times even
dangerous, positions where violence and abuse are a part of the home. The apostle Paul's words do not mean that
a believer must accept brutality, physical abuse, neglect, or immoral treatment. [Ibid., 1747, “Truth-in-Action
through 1 Corinthians,” #1.] The Bible teaches that “there is safety in a multitude of counselors.” Seek the counsel
of your pastor and elders of your church to assist you if you find yourself in such a situation.
What About Remarriage?
Historically, many segments of the church have forbidden remarriage to divorced people. What does 1 Corinthians
7:15 say about the abandoned spouse?
What does Romans 7:2 say about the privilege of remarriage?
What does Paul say the Lord's preference is for the unmarried in 1 Corinthians 7:25–27?
Why does Paul use the phrase “are you loosed from a wife” in 1 Corinthians 7:27?
Who is the person “loosed” in 1 Corinthians 7:27?
Could the loosed person be related to verse 15?
What does Paul teach about marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:28?
How does this relate to 1 Corinthians 7:15, 27?
Jesus' words are very specific in Matthew 19:9—He forbids remarriage. To whom is Jesus referring in this verse?
Is Jesus, in this passage, forbidding the privilege of remarriage to the spouse who has been defrauded?
Many have experienced the guilt and shame of infidelity and/or divorce. Even if you have been the party responsible
for the breaking of your marriage covenant, there is forgiveness in Jesus Christ. There is only one unforgivable
sin in the Bible, and it has nothing to do with sexual sin or marital failure. If you are in such a condition right
now what should you do?
Seek the Lord's forgiveness. (1 John 1:9).
If you are separated from your spouse, 1 Corinthians 7:11 is the answer.
If you have been violated by your spouse, Ephesians 4:32 opens the door to your future.
From The Spirit-Filled Family: Holy Wisdom to Build Happy Homes by Jack W. Hayford with Rebecca Hayford Bauer. Copyright 1994 by Jack W. Hayford.
