The Covenant of Marriage—Part 1
Jesus loves weddings! Whenever He's invited He happily attends. In fact, the Gospel of John records that Jesus'
first miracle took place at a wedding (John 2:1–12). That day Jesus turned water into wine. What might have been
a wedding feast disaster without an adequate provision for the guests, turned out to be the most famous reception
in history. It is more than merely a beautiful and poetic act for Jesus to turn water into wine at a wedding celebration.
There are a number of simple, yet profound, truths that accompany this first of Jesus' miracles. The very fact
that Jesus asks for water is noteworthy. His miraculous work is not based on some strange combination of exotic
ingredients for His miracle workings. What He asks for is the single most common substance found on earth. There
He begins the miracle, asking to be provided with that which is abundant and freely available. “Fill the water
pots with water,” Jesus instructs. It does not get any simpler than that. The rest is up to Him. He is perfectly
willing to bless this wedding. And He is just as willing to bless any wedding where He is invited.
God's love for weddings and marriages has an obvious sense to it. Marriage is the first relationship God provided
for in Adam's world. It's the beginning point for blessing in the human social order, and without it, families,
churches, and society itself could not exist. The covenant of marriage is the single most important human bond
that holds all of God's work on the planet together. It is no small wonder that the Lord is passionate about the
sanctity of marriage and the stability of the home. This covenant of marriage is based on the covenant God has
made with us. It is in the power of His promise to her mankind that our personal covenant of marriage can be kept
against the forces that would destroy homes and ruin lives.
A covenant is a compact, pledge, treaty, or agreement. This is one of the most theologically important words
in all of scripture, appearing more than 250 times in the Old Testament. A berit (covenant) may be made
between individuals, between a king and his people, or by God with His people.… In Genesis 17:7, we see the greatest
statement of the Abrahamic covenant. This is the foundation of Israel's eternal relationship with God. All other
Bible promises are based on this covenant God made with Abraham. [Spirit-Filled Life Bible (Nashville, TN:
Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1991), 29, “Word Wealth: Gen. 17:7, covenant.”]
Who establishes this covenant in Genesis 17:7?
The Lord declares that this covenant shall be with Abraham and with his _________________ (v. 17).
What is God's part of the covenant in this verse? What does God promise to do?
When does this covenant cease?
What is Abraham's responsibility in keeping this covenant, according to Genesis 17:10?
The act of circumcision was required as a sign of the covenant previously established with Abraham. This was not
a new covenant but an external sign that Abraham and his descendants were to execute to show that they were God's
people. The fact that this was performed upon the male reproductive organ had at least a twofold significance:
1) the cutting away of the foreskin symbolizes the cutting way of fleshly dependence, and 2) their hope for the
future posterity and prosperity was not to rest on their own ability. Circumcision was a statement that confidence
was placed in the promise of God rather than in their own flesh. [Ibid., 29, “Kingdom Dynamics: Gen. 17:10, Circumcision's
Significance.”]
The permanence of God's everlasting covenant with Abraham and his descendants is illustrated in Jeremiah 33:20–26.
God is revealed as the Covenant-Maker. Here in this passage, God's activities in creation are described in terms
of the permanence of His covenant. If the sun and moon do not perform their appointed daily course, and the seasons
no longer occur, then the covenant with man will not endure. This passage continues by saying that if day and night
do continue, and “if I have not appointed the ordinances of heaven and earth, then I will cast away the
descendants of Jacob and David my servant.”
Please notice that this promise of a secure covenant is given in the context of Israel's captivity into Babylonian
bondage. Though the world is crashing in upon Israel because of their sin, God is still the covenant-keeping God.
Read Jeremiah 33:20 Thus saith the LORD; If ye can break my covenant of the day, and my covenant of the night,
and that there should not be day and night in their season;
21 Then may also my covenant be broken with David my servant, that he should not have a son to reign upon his throne;
and with the Levites the priests, my ministers.
22 As the host of heaven cannot be numbered, neither the sand of the sea measured: so will I multiply the seed
of David my servant, and the Levites that minister unto me.
23 Moreover the word of the LORD came to Jeremiah, saying,
24 Considerest thou not what this people have spoken, saying, The two families which the LORD hath chosen, he hath
even cast them off? thus they have despised my people, that they should be no more a nation before them.
25 Thus saith the LORD; If my covenant be not with day and night, and if I have not appointed the ordinances of
heaven and earth;
26 Then will I cast away the seed of Jacob, and David my servant, so that I will not take any of his seed to be
rulers over the seed of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob: for I will cause their captivity to return, and have mercy on
them.
What is God's promise to the captive in Jeremiah 33:26?
How can God's keeping of the covenant with Israel be maintained in the middle of the national tragedy of Babylonian
captivity?
Does the keeping of the covenant by God guarantee life in Israel without problems?
Are there times in your own life when the promise of God was difficult to hold onto in the midst of trying circumstances?
Are you in the middle of trying circumstances now which lead you to doubt God's promise of His goodness to you?
Read Jeremiah 31:31 Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will make a new covenant with the house of
Israel, and with the house of Judah:
32 Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring
them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the LORD:
33 But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the LORD,
I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be
my people.
34 And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for
they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their
iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.
Jeremiah states the covenant was broken (see v. 32). Who broke it?
What do you think this new covenant refers to and how does it relate to Hebrews 8:8 For finding fault with them,
he saith, Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with
the house of Judah:
9 Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead
them out of the land of Egypt; because they continued not in my covenant, and I regarded them not, saith the Lord.
10 For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will
put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to
me a people:
11 And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all
shall know me, from the least to the greatest.
12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
There is a powerful picture of the covenant-keeping God in Jeremiah 31:32. What is it?
If God is described as “husband” in v. 32, who is the wife? Does the husband remain faithful in light of the
covenant-breaking of his wife in this passage?
Why does God use this powerful picture of marriage for His relationship with Israel?
What does the faithfulness of God in the covenant of marriage to Israel model for faithfulness in marriage in
the church today?
In the New Testament the Greek word diatheke is used for the concept of covenant. A will, testament,
pact, contract, and agreed upon plan to which both parties subscribe defines it. While the word may signify an
agreement between two parties, with each accepting mutual responsibility, most often it is a declaration of one
person's will. In the Bible, God initiated the whole action, set the conditions, and defined as a decree a declaration
of purposes. God covenanted with Noah, Abraham, Moses, and Israel. In the New Testament Jesus ratified by His death
on the cross a new covenant, termed in Hebrews 7:22 “a better covenant.” [Ibid., 1498, “Word Wealth: Mark 14:24,
covenant.”]
This new covenant offers the promise of forgiveness of sin and eternal life to all who receive Jesus Christ
as their Savior. We read earlier in Jeremiah 31:32 that the Lord's relationship with Israel was like that of a
husband to his wife. Some of that same imagery is used in the New Testament.
Read Ephesians 5:22–33 and answer the questions below.
The parallel in verse 23 is between the husband as “head of the wife” and Christ who is head of the ________________.
What is the Apostle Paul addressing in this passage of Scripture? (See v. 32.)
From this passage of scripture there are specific ways in which husbands are to relate to their wives as Christ
relates to the church. What are they?
v. 23
v. 25
v. 26
v. 27
v. 28
v. 29
v. 31
The Covenant Between Husband and Wife
The basic concept of Christ as a husband is one of self-sacrificing love and absolute devotion to His bride.
This covenant relationship between Jesus and the church is unbreakable because the Lord is the One who personally
maintains the union. This is possible because Jesus Christ is God Himself—divine, without sin, and unbroken by
human weakness. But how are we to maintain our covenant of marriage between two people when there is so much human
failure and limitation to overcome in each of us?
Read Genesis 2:18–25. The account of the first couple is profound in insight for all married couples. Let's
examine some of the principles of what marriage at a human level is to be about. What was Adam's state in Gen.
2:17?
Why did God give Adam a partner in 2:18?
This passage of scripture points to significant areas of married life which hold keys to the success of the
union. In verse 24 there are three specific considerations stated as being important in this union of man and woman.
What are they?
1.
2.
3.
The challenge of becoming your own family—“a man shall leave his father and mother”—is a great problem in our
society today. What are the consequences for marriage relationships that struggle with accepting the responsibility
of being their own family unit?
What advice would you give a young couple that is financially dependent on one set of parents?
What is the impact on a marriage relationship when one spouse draws emotional support from parents rather than
from his or her spouse?
The unity God has planned for marriage is illustrated in Genesis 3:9. What are the names of the man and woman
in this verse?
When does the woman receive the name Eve?
Who names her Eve in Genesis 3:21?
In the social convention of marriage in our culture the woman almost always receives the surname of her husband
in marriage. Do you think there is any spiritual significance to this practice?
Why would a woman prefer to retain her maiden name after marriage?
Is this appropriate? What are her reasons for such a decision?
Could the rejection of a husband's last name be related to a wife's desire to maintain independence from a husband?
Is this a valid reason for maintaining a maiden name for a couple?
In Genesis 1:26 God speaks and declares, “Let Us make man in Our image.” So the perfection of unity as described
in the Godhead is to be reflected in the unity God brings about in a man and woman who are united in marriage.
Does unity in marriage demand that individual tastes, preferences, skills, and gifts be denied for the sake of
oneness?
When personal preferences, ideas, or desires interfere with the marriage, what should a couple do?
The concept of unity in marriage is a beautiful truth. How does it become a reality in a marriage?
Are there things that couples can do to foster unity in their home? Name some of these things that create unity.
Name some of the things that break unity between husband and wife in the home?
Can you name couples in the Bible who demonstrate unity in their marriage relationship?
Read Malachi 2:15. The context of this verse is the tragic reality of divorce and the breaking of unity in marriage.
The prophet declares God's Word concerning divorce. In this verse, who does the Bible declare to be the one who
unites married couples, making them one?
If unity in marriage is more than simply a human attempt at getting along as described in Malachi 2:15, do you
think God has any interest in maintaining the union of husband and wife? Why?
Read Matthew 19:4–6. Verse 5 refers directly to Genesis 2:24. However, Jesus adds verse 6 to the Old Testament
passage. He expands upon the concept of the unity of the couple to be a God-ordained and executed unity. Literally,
the unity God has planned for couples is actually accomplished through His work in them.
Who does Jesus say does the joining? (See Matthew 19:6.)
How do you think this joining is accomplished in marriage?
We've all heard the phrase, “This is a marriage made in heaven.” Why do you think God makes a personal investment
in every marriage?
You who are married: Why does God take a personal interest in your marriage?
If you are a single person, do you think the selection of a marriage partner is merely a matter of falling in
love?
What does the Lord mean in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked”? What does this imply in the selection
of a mate?
It is not possible to live in unity with a marriage partner who does not share the same love for Jesus Christ
that you have. You may be best friends and love each other deeply. However, the ultimate foundation of any marriage
that is in Christ is Jesus Himself. The basis for all decision-making, child rearing, and life commitments for
the Christian are all based in our life in Christ. Any person who does not share this fundamental faith in Christ
can never fit into the most intimate part of your spiritual life. “Planning a marriage to an unbeliever will produce
an unequal alliance that is to be avoided. To experience a happy union, the believer should align with one whose
ideals and visions center in Jesus Christ.” [Ibid., 1768, “Truth-in-Action through 2 Corinthians,” #2.]
Jesus' words in Matthew 19:6 end with, “What God has joined together, let not man separate.” What do you think
Jesus means by this?
Do you think this also applies to people who want to separate from their spouse in times of stress or trial?
Do you think problems are avoided in times of separation between marriage partners experiencing difficulties?
Where can couples go for help if they find their marriage is under attack?
Where would you go if you needed help in your marriage?
Since Jesus says that it is the will of God for couples to stay married, whose will is it that couples separate
and divorce?
Is it possible that in times of stress couples turn on each other because of the blinding work of the devil,
instead of turning to the Lord for help?
What would you suggest to a couple who are experiencing deep marital stress?
How do prayer and your spiritual life affect the quality of your marriage?
Sex in Marriage
Let's take one more look at Genesis 2:24. What does the phrase “one flesh” mean in the passage? How important
is the sexual relationship in marriage? In Genesis 1:28, God give man His first command—what is it?
The Bible states in 1 Corinthians 7:2–5 that married couples do not have authority over their own bodies. Further,
it declares that a marriage partner is to give authority over their body to their mate. This is directly related
to sexual union in marriage. Sex does not make a marriage, but many marriages have been broken over the subject
of sex. (For more study on this subject see Lesson 10.)
Marriage is not Necessarily for Everyone
Our society has traditionally assumed that people would marry in the course of their lifetime. However, the
Bible makes provision for some that will never marry. Often this is not the first choice of the individual, though
for some it is. What does the Bible say about singleness?
Read Matthew 19:12. What are “eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake?”
Jesus said that these people have a unique quality about their life from the womb. Do these people struggle
with their singleness?
Read 1 Corinthians 7:7–9, 25–40. What does it say about singleness in verse 7?
Does everyone have this gift?
In verse 9 it gives one possible reason for marriage. What is it?
Do you think God is surprised by the strength of the sexual desire that is found in people?
Do you think that this sexual desire is part of God's plan to motivate some people to marriage?
Certainly, the desire for sexual activity is inadequate if it were the sole reason for marriage. However, in
the search for deep spiritual meaning to their lives, some people overlook the very natural ways God has made them
in their consideration of marriage.
When my husband counsels couples who are engaged to be married, he asks them if they “spark” together. You know,
do they tingle when they are close to each other? On occasion he has had couples say no. These couples love each
other, believe God wants them to be married, but they feel little, if any, sexual attraction toward each other.
To these couples he always says the same thing: “Come back and see me when you start to spark together!” By that
he doesn't mean he wants couples to engage in premarital sexual activity, but rather, he wants to know that they
are well matched for each other spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. They need to feel passionately
toward each other. It is one of the confirming signs of a good match for marriage.
Read 1 Corinthians 7:25–40 again. What does Paul suggest to the unmarried person in this passage?
In verse 28 does Paul claim it is wrong to marry?
Verse 34 suggests that unmarried people can serve the Lord more completely. What do you think about this for
your life?
Do you think it is the Lord's plan for the majority of people to be single or married? Why?
If a person is to remain single all their life, does God see them as a whole person or as an unfulfilled person?
(See verse 40.)
It is God's will for all people to be happy, fulfilled, and fruitful for His kingdom. If you believe that God
has a marriage partner for you, then pray and live a holy life in anticipation of the answer to that prayer. In
the meantime, live for Jesus; serve Him with all your heart; be a person who is thankful and joyous. And know that
Psalm 37:3–5 is your answer from God.
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the
Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall
bring it to pass.
From The Spirit-Filled Family: Holy Wisdom to Build Happy Homes by Jack W. Hayford with Rebecca Hayford Bauer. Copyright 1994 by Jack W. Hayford.
