The Place of Children in a Family
The world is a “mixed bag of tricks” when it comes to how people view children. On one hand, the United Nations
is trying to push through the “Children's Bill of Rights” that exalts children to virtual rulers in the home. On
the other hand, the slaughter of children in the womb is practiced throughout our nation as an acceptable form
of birth control.
Women who have the economic privilege of staying home to raise their children are viewed as the new status symbol,
while Women's Lib views kids as an interruption to life, a hassle, something that holds you back. A generation
of junk-food-consuming, latchkey kids are raising themselves. Fathers are often nonexistent except for a monthly
support check (if that even comes).
All of this raises questions about how we as believers are supposed to live. Where do children fit into the
family order? How are we supposed to view them? What are their requirements and privileges within the family?
Look up and copy Psalm 127:3–5.
What does the psalmist say that is in direct contrast to the world's view of children?
What else does the Bible further say about the blessing of children? (See Is. 8:18.)
Psalm 128:3—“Your children [shall be] like __________.”
What do you think “olive plants” represents in this verse?
Prov. 17:6
What place are grandchildren to play in one's old age?
Read 2 Samuel 6:23. How does this verse contrast with the previous verses you have read?
Read all of 2 Samuel 6. What brought about Michal's punishment?
Behind the Scenes
Verse 6:14 says that David danced. Such rejoicing (literally “spinning around”) accompanied all major victories.
In every other instance only women are mentioned as dancing, not men and certainly not the king. This accounts
for some of Michal's embarrassment (v. 16), although her motive is obviously contempt.
Michal is here described as Saul's daughter rather than David's wife. She acts in the pride of her father,
not the humility and joy of her husband. [Spirit-Filled Life Bible (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers,
1991), 450, notes on 2 Samuel 6:14 and 6:16.]
How can Michal's actions and the resultant punishment show us the importance of thankfulness to the Lord?
How could our continued growth in thankfulness affect the way we relate to our children?
Scripture further tells us specifically about Jesus'attitude toward children. In Isaiah 40:11, the prophet tells
us about the future reign of the Messiah. What will be His attitude and actions toward children?
Read the following verses to see the fulfillment of Isaiah's prophecy. What was Jesus'attitude toward children?
Matt. 10:42
Matt. 18:2–10; Mk. 9:33–37
Matt. 19:13–15
What does Jesus'attitude toward children tell us about how we are to treat children?
List three ways Jesus'treated children that we should apply to our own homes.
1.
2.
3.
Human value cannot be equated with race, wealth, social standing, or educational level. All are significant and
valuable in God's order. To regard race, group, or individual as less important than another is sin in view of
the fact that Christ died for all people and for each one in particular. At the foot of the Cross we are equal,
both in our worth to God (He sent His Son to die for each of us) and in our need to accept His gift of salvation.
Let us learn to respect and honor every person and each people regardless of their station or color. Christ said,
“Inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me” (Matt. 25:40). [Ibid., 1897,
“Kingdom Dynamics: James 2:1–9, Respect of Persons.”]
Read the following verses. What do they have to say about showing partiality?
Lev. 19:15
Job 13:10
1 Tim. 5:21
James 2:4
How might this apply to our view of our children?
What do these verses have to say about a parent favoring one of their children over the others?
Scripture gives us an example of a mother who favored one son over another. Who is this mother? (Gen. 25:28)
Read Genesis 25:29–34 and 27:1–28:5. List the ultimate results of Rebekah's favoritism.
(Notice that Rebekah lost Isaac's respect and Jacob's presence anyway.) Did anything good come out of Rebekah's
favoritism and subsequent deception? Explain your answer.
Jesus, as the Son of God, knew precisely how to keep everything in perfect balance. As sinful humans, we don't
always know how to do that, and our “consideration” of our children can get out of balance to the exclusion of
the Lord, our spouse, and other responsibilities.
Do you think an attitude of respect and consideration toward children can breed disrespect toward the parent or
arrogance on the part of the child? Explain your answer.
How can we balance respect toward our children as people and creations of God with our responsibility to raise
them to be people of God? (See Prov. 22:15)
Respect toward one another as creations of the Creator also requires that we recognize and accept the fact that
no one is an “accident.” Whether or not it appears that way from the human side of things, or whether or not we
arrive in a family by birth or adoption, God knew from eternity the birth and future of each one of us. Write out
Psalm 68:5, 6.
We sometimes speak about difficult circumstances into which people are born as “an accident of birth.” Viewed from
a divine perspective, however, our placement in a human family is no accident at all: it is a divine appointment.
“God sets the solitary in families.” Indeed, the protection and care that one receives in a family is so
essential to human life that God says He will personally intervene on behalf of widows and orphans who lose the
normal protection of a husband and father. When we are tempted to complain about our family, or suppose that our
birth-circumstance would be better somewhere else, we need to regain this divine perspective. This is not to become
passive or fatalistic about one's situation, nor is it to say this will cause an escape from sorrow or suffering.
Nevertheless, we are reminded that the ultimate well-being of our human families rests upon the promise and care
of our Father in heaven and that His sovereign and loving purpose will intervene for our benefit. [Ibid., 809,
“Kingdom Dynamics: Ps. 68:5, 6, Divine Appointment Places People in Families.”]
How we relate as children to our parents often determines how we relate as parents to our children. Write out
below three things that you are thankful for in your parents:
1.
2.
3.
Praise the Lord for your parents!
Write out the three things that are “the biggest sore points” between you and your parents.
1.
2.
3.
Present these to the Lord in prayer and ask Him to make the difference where we can't. Now, having established
an atmosphere of appreciation for our parents, let's establish that same atmosphere in regard to our children.
Write out three things that you are thankful for in each of your children:
1.
2.
3.
Praise God for your children!
List the three areas that you most fear regarding releasing your children into the Lord's hands.
1.
2.
3.
Once again, present these to the Lord in prayer, asking that He be real in your children's lives, providing protection
and drawing them to Himself.
Our rule of the realm God has given us requires that we first have our homes in proper order. Ephesians 5:22–6:3
gives us an “up close and personal” view of how the family structure is to be arranged. Read this passage of Scripture.
List in order the four parts of the family structure.
Who is to be the ultimate head of the family? Who is the God-ordained head here on Earth?
Where does the child fit into the family order?
What are the child's two main responsibilities?
1.
2.
What is the promise connected with this command? (See Ex. 20:12.)
What does Galatians 4:1–7 tell us about the place of children in the family during the years of their minority?
(vv. 1, 2)
Why do you think this is so?
What is a child supposed to learn during those years that makes him seem a “slave” rather than a son, but ultimately
allows him to step into his complete inheritance as a son?
Word Wealth
“Heir,” sunkleronomos (soong-klay-ron-om-oss); Strong's #4789: from sun, “with,”
klero, “a lot,” and nemomai, “to possess.” The word denotes a joint participant, coheir, fellow heir,
one who receives a lot with another. [Ibid., 1885, “Word Wealth: 11:9, heirs.”]
“Slave,” doulos (doo-los); Strong's #1401: from deo, “to bind.” The word is used
for one who is a slave, literally or figuratively, voluntarily or involuntarily, and indicates subjection or subserviency
to another. [James Strong, Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, (New York: Abingdon Press, 1890),
24, Greek Dictionary #1401.]
Read the following scriptures and write down other requirements that are to be placed upon children within the
family.
Ex. 20:12
Prov. 1:8; 6:20
Prov. 23:22
1 Tim. 5:4
As parents, we alone carry the responsibility of instilling these values, principles, and ethics into our children's
lives. Read Deuteronomy 6:6–9 and list five ways we can accomplish this instruction process in the lives of our
children.
Parents aren't the only ones to receive exhortation in the Word on how to live. Children receive specific direction
throughout the Book as well. Read the following passages and list ways that Scripture instructs children to relate
to their parents and to the world around them. Also list how these scriptures can be applied in your family life.
Ps. 34:11
Prov. 10:1
Prov. 20:11
Eph. 6:1–3; Col. 3:20
Since we are all the children of someone, go back over that list of scriptures and write down the ways
that these exhortations can be applied to your own life in regard to your parents.
Compare the verses you've just looked up with Jesus'words in Matthew 18:3?
How can we teach our children to maintain “childlikeness” in their lives?
Are there ways we can instill those lessons by how we maintain “childlikeness” in our lives?
Why do you think Jesus placed such importance on our “becoming as little children”?
How does the Heavenly Father relate to us “as little children”?
How should this affect or change the way you relate to your children?
Jesus confronts the tendency of humankind to associate authority with an exercise of dominance over others. The
dominion or authority in kingdom life God wants to reinstate in us, is for victorious, fruitful living and for
the overthrow of hellish powers, not for gaining control of others or for serving our own interests. His call to
childlike humility and a servantlike heart (John 13:1–17) establishes the spirit and style by which the authority
of the believer is to be exercised as an agent of God's kingdom power. (See Matt. 19:14; Mark 10:14, 15; Luke 18:16,
17.) [Spirit-Filled Life Bible, 1439, “Kingdom Dynamics: Matt. 18:1–4, Childlikeness.”]
In retaining our childlikeness in the kingdom, we must also recognize that throughout our lives we also retain
our role as children of our parents. While the way that role is lived out may change over time as we come into
our adulthood and our parents grow older, they will always be our parents and we will always be their children.
Read the following scriptures and list how we are to relate to our parents as adult children.
Gen. 18:19
Lev. 19:32
Deut. 4:9
Ps. 71:9
Prov. 17:6
Prov. 20:29
1 Tim. 5:1
In what ways is our role toward our parents to change?
In what ways is it to stay the same?
What role are our parents to play in our lives as adults?
Who else are we to treat with the honor and respect due to our parents?
From The Spirit-Filled Family: Holy Wisdom to Build Happy Homes by Jack W. Hayford with Rebecca Hayford Bauer. Copyright 1994 by Jack W. Hayford.
